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Dark Poetry #4
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darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath

0 posted 2004-10-03 02:20 AM


you tear at me
hacking away
with that glistening knife of yours

my soul lies bare
for you to inspect
for you to interegate

my soul stares back
and asks for acceptance
but really it just wants to be held

you search and peer
looking for my flaws
you dig them out from underneath my skin

i cringe and shudder
as you laugh cruely
and stare critically

my scars are there
as obvious as day
and you trace them with your beautiful hands

i choke back my tears
of embarressment and betrayal
and wring my hands until they bleed

the blood drips
forming a pool for you
i bleed for you

for what i thought was a future
for what i thought was love
for what fooled me

i bleed for
how weak i am
for how blind i am

i know you would never bleed for me
so i bleed a little more

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

© Copyright 2004 Sophie A Ryan - All Rights Reserved
EveGnosis
Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300
New York, USA
1 posted 2004-10-03 02:27 AM


"my soul stares back
and asks for acceptance
but really it just wants to be held"

but did you have to go and turn that blade on me??
and i totally loved the last line. incredible write, d_w!!!

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
2 posted 2004-10-03 02:34 PM


Wow, this was sooo amazing, and brilliant.

It was so sad too. I loved the ending though.

"I know you would never bleed for me
so i bleed a little more"

Damn...i absolutely loved this. I am saving.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
3 posted 2004-10-04 01:28 AM


"you search and peer
looking for my flaws
you dig them out from underneath my skin

i cringe and shudder
as you laugh cruely
and stare critically"

This part hurt so much. So much. Most would say they cry for another, and you could replace every "bleed" with "cry" but bleed....excellent. Nicely done. Your tearing me apart here, glad your posting though

Hollow.
Courtney.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
4 posted 2004-10-04 07:58 PM


and does it ever stop?  

*sigh*

*nodding head*

Just be good to you, k?

aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
5 posted 2004-10-07 07:48 AM


this is beautiful, sad, amazing, knife turning and gut wrenching.
your writing is so full of emotion and you always have un expected twists in your work. i love it...... keep them coming
always look out for number 1
keep your head high, stay strong, the pain will pass

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
6 posted 2004-10-07 09:52 AM


This type of "tearing at you" causes "tearing" of my eyes. Was spellbound by the first lines, and loved the imagery of "wringing" your hands until they bleed. Good job!

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
7 posted 2004-10-08 05:54 AM


i bleed for
how weak i am
for how blind i am

i know you would never bleed for me
so i bleed a little more

that moved me, beyond words, it just sent shivers down my spine, made my tears sting my eyes...honestly..that was just so full of pain, and emotion and honesty, and it was like you took the situation im in, and put it into words...wow...those words are seriously gonna stay with me forever...im gushing...
loved it.
loved it.
loved it.
Kirst.

"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"-Frank from Donnie Darko

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
8 posted 2004-10-08 05:31 PM


intresting write

Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
9 posted 2004-10-08 09:57 PM


wow..sorru, i know i have replied once, but i had to came back and read this again, and just wow.

I cant even begin to say how much i love this, and can relate...

Like i said b4, i love this. It will never get tired of reading this.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
10 posted 2004-12-20 03:53 AM


i re-read this. and this really needs to be saved in my library!

lots of love
Kurst

Pride is holding your head up, when everyone else has their's lowered. Courage is what makes you do it.

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
11 posted 2004-12-20 03:54 AM


ok.. i'm so dumb. i forgot to click the "save" thing..
CrEaTuRe
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 260
Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia
12 posted 2005-01-05 10:45 PM


The depth of this make one feel even more with each word slowly sinking into ones soul...

Loved it!


Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG

sgreybe
Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 209
London, UK
13 posted 2005-01-06 01:21 PM


Dear Darkness Witch

WOW! What a great piece of artistic work.  Such feeling.  I could feel every word, every stare, every stab.  This is fantastic.  I feel for you.  Know that we are here for you.  Your true friends who understand.  I know that the pain feels as if it will never cease, but at least it gets a bit easier to handle (after time!)...

Stay strong and keep writing!
Thanks
Sylvia

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

14 posted 2005-01-07 09:14 PM


The blood is not an answer but the question.
The essence of renewal?

Nice write, DW.

CB 8)

"If at first an idea is not absurd, there is no hope for it."
Albert Einstein

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
15 posted 2005-01-12 08:10 PM


This was completely amazing...I love it..It's going in my library..Awesome job.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

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