I Own My Personal Demons - pipTalk Forums

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Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

0 posted 2004-09-25 12:39 PM

Try as you may, you'll never understand
Finally I have something to call totally my own
It started, unannounced, years ago
Misfit kids getting their kicks at my expense
Remember the school-bullied cliches?
Well, it was my head in the toilet
Or trash can... or hell.
My heart always ached solely for everyone else
I never abandoned the worries of those I loved
But I never realized my total abandonment of self.
Suffocating only me, I always internalized...
Smiles to hide the demons that haunt me still
And I finally reach this point we call the now ~
I've got my books and movies and bedroom sanctuaries.
I can ponder a million times over
Why I have come to want solitude solely unto myself.
Hell, I can't even desire the ties that family tries.
I choose a constant regression ~
Back to the days prior to the creation of my demons.
I am to be a forever child.
I spit in the face of responsibilities...
I scorn the rebutes of distant relatives who take
But once or twice a year to ask me what I've become.
And those who love me most wonder?
Why am I such a social recluse?
Simply because I own my personal demons
And when I finally choose to let them all out ~
They promise me I'll get the solidarity I crave.
See why I now am confused which road to take?

Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself...

[This message has been edited by Purity (09-26-2004 09:05 PM).]

News_From_Nowhere
Member

since 2002-06-14

Posts 173
CU, NY

1 posted 2004-09-25 01:11 AM

I've noticed since returning to this forum that there are quite a few that post and respond in kind to each other. There are those I truly miss. I thought you were one of them, Purity, and then you started posting a poem here and there. I went back and read your archived poems and realized that you posted almost all of your poems here before your book came out. (Yes, I figured you out and bought your book through Amazon). It is amazing to me to find such talent here on this site, and I hope one day I'll attain such a level of perfection. Your book is awesome. This poem is tragic, but beautifully done. Thank you, honestly, for sharing new works here.

"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

2 posted 2004-09-25 01:35 AM

It was great to chat with you tonight.
I did not realize that it was possible to catch members online on this site.
Thank you for your words. I get most of my inspirations from what I read here on this site. It is truly the most "home away from home" there is, and I embrace it. It is why I dedicated the aforementioned book to the "Passions in Poetry" Gurus... For they are the tribunal of the most wise. I came to realize that not everyone is going to respond to any particular poem, but that does not mean that that poem is not being read. I have read your works, and I love them, as I do all the emotions that the "few... the proud... the poets" post here. It is a wonderful thing to be a part of a family of emotional genuises. This is a great place to start your poetic journey.

PS - I miss Isis from Australia...and Jeremey... and Wranx... and even my "Ex"...EveGnosis... There are a lot of noteworthy poets that got their start here that I can but pray have found their lot in life.

Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself...

[This message has been edited by Purity (09-25-2004 02:09 AM).]

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

3 posted 2004-09-25 03:08 AM

seems the wi-fi's of mututal coffee houses can unite the estranged. having lost my brother a few years ago, this one hit me like a ton of attacks. well done, carigan!

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

4 posted 2004-09-25 11:39 PM

Hey dude! I haven't gone anywhere...lol

I just started posting my pitiable scribblings in the "Open" forum...

Drop me a line, I'd love to know how the book is coming.(Hell, I'd like to know the TITLE of the damned thing!..hehehe)

Ed...

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

5 posted 2004-09-26 12:05 PM

I have to say that I love posting here too. And I love reading the work I see here. It teaches things that I haven't even read about.

Yeah its kinda hard to be an outcast or a blacksheep. And truthfully it does produce a cross shop of anger at times. So I can see the desire to be alone. And understand it. Thats why I'm single. hehe. Actually I think everyone owns their personal demons. I can't say I understand the desire to be totally alone though. And death isn't really a state of permanent lonliness. I mean where, who, and why did I come from? I would like to know the name of your book as well, seeing as to how your work is enjoyable to read.

-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

6 posted 2004-09-26 12:31 PM

Thanks all... The original book was entitled The Aardvark Table and was released by an independent company Eternal Mark Press. A new deal has been struck with a major publisher this time round, and the re-vamped and added to book is tentatively called Beautifully Scarred ~ The Poetry of Carrigan Chantz... When it goes to press I'll give any of ya that desire a copy one...especially since you all were the inspiration!

Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself...

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

7 posted 2004-09-26 11:41 PM

Purity, beauty, and sound. I'd love a chance to jump at the offer. Poetry teaches people... wow. I just recieved a new idea.

-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

8 posted 2004-09-27 11:38 PM

Whoa, blew me away, totally. Great work. Better yet...a book? From you? Wouldn't it be great to get a copy? Sigh. This poem was inspirational, and I understand the craving for solitude.

Hollow.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

9 posted 2004-09-28 12:36 PM

Thanks hollow... your liking is well received after reading your last poem! And my publisher has set aside plenty of copies of my stuff for all of you here! (but as News stated, most all of it I have posted here, ironically...or intentionally.) I visit and post at many a web site, but Passions is the best by far, and the only one where friendships are made, so thus a miraculous gem! ((Side note: this poem was written from the point of view of my middle brother who is going through a suicidal/depressive/therapy phase and my youngest brother succeeded, so GIS - it's not me that has such painful thoughts in the first person at least...I just translate for all to see. God, I love you guys n gals.))

Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself...

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

10 posted 2004-09-28 08:20 PM

Hey this is pretty good...lots of metaphors =) I can tell you've been reading the poetry around here, lol. I like it! this one line really stuck out to me the most:

"Well, it was my head in the toilet
Or trash can... or hell."

hmmm...thoughts to ponder...

- River

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

11 posted 2004-09-29 12:12 PM

Oh well I don't like seeing other people living the semi-normal thoughts that go through my own head, so I was just spilling a line to make you feel better. I'm such a wack. lol.

-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

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