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Dark Poetry #4
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Last Serration
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Last Serration |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
The eyes Will shy away From my flesh and face, Not that they don’t already Your fading wings of white will turn Leave me begging Alone Hallow me Don’t hollow me. One last serration let me have it These bloody tears my skin cries when she opens her eyes They don’t mean I’m in pain They don’t I swear this time They don’t. I am not hurting I will plead Pretending still Smiling still Don’t leave me here I won’t get better if you go I won’t I swear this time I won’t. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
Sounds supiciously like a cry for help that someone is too proud to say aloud. That's just coming from my angle, however. And more often than not it doesn't matter what the words are, but what the reader gets from those words. This is just my roundabout way of saying that I liked it. |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
wow! god ur amazing, just to whip one up like this loved it, love u.... wat else can i say? BRILLIANTE! LOR say wat you will, say what you mean, but you could never offend cuz your dirty words come out clean |
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vampiana Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296Nothing and Nowhere |
wow...more awesome writing from you...you just keep getting better and better... "Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath"-Kurt Cobain |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
Painful, sorrowful, stirring. Susan Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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sparrow139 Junior Member
since 2004-05-13
Posts 18UK |
"These bloody tears my skin cries when she opens her eyes" LOVE it. Very stirring description. Brilliant.  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
a nice bleed Courtney . . . Did you mean for it to form a cross? |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Wow, no I didn't mean for it to form a cross....but it has. Odd. Hollow. |
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~K~ Member
since 2004-07-27
Posts 148 |
I really loved the first 3 lines but this one was my favorite: One last serration let me have it It is always a smart move to brace yourself. Great work Hollow! |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
As Susan said, stiring. ur not alone courts....... we're all here....... wether u like it or not. and we love, to death, literally. really liked this poem. but it sorta hit a few chords...... love and emapthy always darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
The purest of hearts almost beg for the serrations, huh? That's cause those not in the know will never realize that we are becoming used to it...getting stronger with each blow to the heart. Eventually you can risk it all with a smile because your strength in soul will never be easily serrated. It makes the trying fun. This was simply amazing, Hollow... LOVED THE PUN, BTW ~ "Hallow me... Don't Hollow me" GREAT! Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself... |
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