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Dark Poetry #4
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But I Can't Breathe
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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But I Can't Breathe |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
I would kill you But cannot bear to touch your skin I would hate you But I don’t have the strength To raise my eyes and pointedly Despise the thanks I get For being me I would ask why? But would find myself asking Why not? I would kill myself But cannot bear to not see the reactions I would like myself But I don’t have the strength To lower my eyes and ignore The imperfections you have pointed out In me I would say nothing But would find myself crying Instead. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
woah amazing fluuuccckkinnnggg amazing i love this brillante, so powerful he better watch out! BUTIFUL LOR say wat you will, say what you mean, but you could never offend cuz your dirty words come out clean |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
aw babe i hate o see ya like his he is honestly NOT WORTH IT and you know it. loveed the poem by the way awsum set out loveandempathy ALWAYS darkness  nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Nice piece of work. The repetition is there but it isn't as obvious as some of the "list poems" I've seen some post here. It works itself well into a theme of being sort of smothered by life and circumstances. Your title also adds to the situation in that it is consistent with the content itself. The middle portions of each stanza are a nice touch as well, elaborating a little rather than just popping off more I would's. PS: Thanks for the replies to my poetry. I wrote Line, btw, to jump on the bandwagon and write a little about death too.  2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Yes, now reading it after a good sleep I can see the death in it very clearly, "Line" I mean. The grinding flesh part. Thanks so much for your replies, yes I know he's not worth it Soph. Hollow. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
Awww. *sings* Don't worry.. Be happy! don't worry be happy now. *Robin williams is in the music video. ^_^* Liked it. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Aww..this is sooo sad. I really loevd this. Amazing write. I am saving. Karissa I ask why, but in my mind, |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
wow, this was incredible. I really like this write, as I do with a lot of yours...keep up the awesome work. I'm gonna save this, as well... ~*brezee*~ |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is beautiful.... i have to show a friend..... she is having the same probs at the mom... any way.. beautiful write Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Courtney: I can empathize with the "killing" "hatred" feelings, I have yet to dissolve those myself. The despise you feel here, I strongly identify with and would not understand it so much if I didn't harbor the same emotions for another being . . . nice bleed |
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vampiana Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296Nothing and Nowhere |
hey courtney, its Kirsty, i finally got on! This is some super writing, you've always amazed me with your talent, and you haven't stopped with this one. Awesome. |
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