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Dark Poetry #4
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intact
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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intact |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand 
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*very randomly and differently set out. see if u understand... sorry if you dont* i fall and hit hard you hold my hand catching me but not in time and its all i can do to stay intact just to make you feel like you've made a difference like you've helped me like you've done something to make me smile i lie and get caught up you are blind to everything i am and do and its all i can take to watch you follow me like I've never lied like I'm perfect like somehow after all this I'm still intact "When i close my eyes, i remember how to smile, under my umbrella im an accomplished exile..." |
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| © Copyright 2004 L - All Rights Reserved | |||
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
wow! this is totally awesome!, I can so understand. I really like this! i'm gonna save it too! awesome job, I know I couldn't have said it like that, although I've had that happen before and thought it. everything is good about this...stupendous! (haven't used that word for a while lol)  ~*brezee*~ |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
wow! this is totally awesome!, I can so understand. I really like this! i'm gonna save it too! awesome job, I know I couldn't have said it like that, although I've had that happen before and thought it. everything is good about this...stupendous! (haven't used that word for a while lol) ~*brezee*~ |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
grr! sorry about that, for some reason when i try and post, it puts it on there twice! haha maybe it won't this time... ~*brezee*~ |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
I erally really really like this. the ending was awesome, and i could understand it completely. (doesnt happen very often) lol I have gone through that so many times... Amazing, and "stupendously" written. Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
I love the way you do this. You write a poem and at the end, you bring it to a conclusion, that has had a special significance in the middle of the poem. Like here, intact. It's your best one in a while, definately. Hollow. Courts. P.S. Got some really juicy news.... I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I don't think I had problems understanding this one. The terse form in which you've written your lines does help to convey a sense of falling, really. I suppose the whole poem looks like a cutaway of a narrow shaft down which the speaker is falling. As for the content, you seem to be describing a symbiotic emotional relationship between two individuals. One acts as the helpless and the other as the saviour. The helpless - that being the speaker - is not truly helped in an appropriate manner by the saviour, but he/she puts up a facade such that the saviour is satisfied with his/her role in the relationship. Is this a correct assessment? 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
hmm loved it i agree with courts wit the whole... ending stuff. nothing else i can say loveandempahy darkness  nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
wow. yer i liked writing this one, and usually the ones i like writing r the ones people dnt understand so thats why i wrote that there lol thanking you all for the replies. Brezee + Kissa... im glad you like it. i tried quite hard for this one Courts... well ya no thanks again. im glad its one of my bests, cuz at least i like this one. Fractal: Yes, this kind of means that. Not so much in a relationship but someone always smiling or lying or making something up to make someone else feel good. But it makes them feel awful... mmm Soph... thanking ya. yaya ur bak with ur bat! YEEHAAA chica! THANKS GUYS LOR say wat you will, say what you mean, but you could never offend cuz your dirty words come out clean |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Laura, I love this . . . it made me think of times when you help someone even though you have long fallen yourself. Also of lying to someone consistently, knowing you are lying, knowing that them knowing this will end all of their happiness, and yet - you still lie . . . |
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