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Dark Poetry #4
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Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-08-22 04:06 AM


Dripping
As she stumbles from the pond
Where she has held her breath
Sucked in the salty water
She cried her pond
Away in the bathtub
Where she held
Her knees to her chest
Her shoulders convulsing
With every lonely breath she hides
Keeps it hidden from you
Her oily flattery
Grease on your lips
So the blood runs easier
When she bites

She dives back under as the water
Slips from your grasp
Drowning her in the momentary
Laughter
You drank
Hanging in the hangover
That hung over your head
When the noose snaps
And her neck follows
You turn
Turn
Turn
Carousal of childhood spinning
Her blindly
Dizzy as you turn
Turn away

(Author's note: This is a weird one, but I'd like to hear what you think)

"Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian

© Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved
silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
1 posted 2004-08-22 04:09 AM


like ur old stuff aye?
writing as 3rd person

you had a really powerfulphase of 1st person, and i loved it.

still brilliant but missing that ... zing? ya no wat i mean?

LOR

"When i close my eyes, i remember how to smile, under my umbrella im an accomplished exile..."

darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
2 posted 2004-08-22 05:17 AM


im breathless after reading that.

it is piss!ng down and the poem just wow it took my breath away

i think this is one of ur best

cya

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
3 posted 2004-09-09 02:07 AM


Loved it, simply loved it, what else can i say? yet another brilliant poem, by a brilliant poet. great work courtney

"Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath"-Kurt Cobain

aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
4 posted 2004-09-09 08:04 AM


this is really really kewel.... i love the way you have wriiten it in third person....
nice work and i love it, love it love it...
i too am spechless...
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
5 posted 2004-09-09 05:25 PM


I am not speechless...I have plenty to say! lol

This was amazing! I loved how different it was. I love reading poems in third..i dont know why, but they seem so much more interesting....

amaizng write, yet again!

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

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