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Dark Poetry #4
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Wait...
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Wait... |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
As I look at your eyes...wait wait.... As I stare deep into your eyes... I can feel all your cries I think I feel them too...wait wait... I know I feel them too... Although I'm not sure what to do I have something to say...wait wait... I can't think of anything to say... No thoughts are drifting this way I want to walk with you...wait wait... I just want to sit here with you... As you stare at me too Although nothing is coming to me...wait wait... There are hundreds of thoughts present... Although most are nice, not all are pleasant There is one thought of you...wait wait... They're all about you... I really like you...wait wait... I truly love you I'm not quite sure how i conjured up something like this , but I thought it was different so...yea... |
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| © Copyright 2004 brezee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
I like it. The lines with "wait wait..." particularly. Makes things flow and builds suspense. Kind of reminds me of how you get flustered when there's a particularly lovely guy flirting with you and the only thing you can think is that his cologne smells nice. But, I'm rambling, and stupidly so. Suffice to say, I like it. |
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The Jackal Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 426Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A |
i enjoyed this, the confusion, the suspense, a sense of mystery and passion about it, nice work New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
PBC- thank you for your reply and you're exactly right lol...it's like wicked crazy that you said that...well thanx again, i appreciate your comment Jackal-thank you, as well for your reply, I never really thought it really had all that in it but...i guess it sorta does...thanks again, your comment is greatly appreciated |
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PainBaneChaos Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150The point of no return |
It's because I have esp, dear. This happens to me all the time. ^_^ |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
lol that's great...i've always wanted esp but...it doesn't work through today's technology...or something like that haha  ~*brezee*~ |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Wow! I loved the change from the first line to the second line. The wait..wait.., I'm saving it so I can go and read it again. Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
felt this one love the layout really really good write hope to see more of urs loveandempathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
i've never read anything like this. captivated and intrigued...... We are all luminous beings, not merely crude creatures of matter. |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
Thank you guys SO much for your replies...i greatly appreciate you taking the time to read it...i have been writing more lately, if only i could find the time to post them...i will eventually, thanks again! ~*brezee*~ |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is really kool.... love how you have written it and hope to see more of your work comin soon... Mel live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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Manth88 Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 45IL, USA |
Hey Girl, you always got these great poems, Wish I could write like that!! Hope To see More!! !^*Manth88*^! |
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brezee Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 140 |
Thank you sam and aussie, i'm writing too much man! everyone's gonna know how i feel! lol but yea, thanx ~*brezee*~ |
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