navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Depression
Dark Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic Depression Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
PainBaneChaos
Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150
The point of no return

0 posted 2004-08-18 11:34 AM


I Won't Relent.
Every cell strains,
screams in defiance of you.
The game of tug-of-war we play,
you're pulling me about
with casual indifference.
My hands are on fire,
I Won't Let Go.
Resistence in my eyes
Intense,
matched only by
the cold impartiality
that you thrive on.
And every muscle in my body
Pulling, Straining.
Rendered useless one by one
as you cut through my defenses.
And the searing anger,
my life line,
whithers and dies out,
freezing from your cold touch.
Glazing over as the resounding truth
hits home.
I've Lost.

© Copyright 2004 Chaos - All Rights Reserved
Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
1 posted 2004-08-18 07:32 PM


"indifferentiality"
not a word, try...indifference.
"And every muscle in my body
pulling and straining."
the and is not needed and detracts

the end was semi powerful. the poem...vague and distant.
still...good expression of frusteration. I know this feeling well.

PainBaneChaos
Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150
The point of no return
2 posted 2004-08-18 09:59 PM


I know it's not a word, but it sounded like it should be one.  So I made it one.  I do that sometimes.  When my teachers yell about I tell them it's poetic license and they simply laugh, so it works. ^_^  I know it's a little vague.  It's kind of supposed to be.  I wanted people to fill in the blanks with their own thoughts.  Whether I actually acheived that or not is an entirely different matter, however.
darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
3 posted 2004-08-19 12:09 PM


loved it

amazing ending
and i personally love the whole "poetic lisense" thing.

u really are talented

loveandempathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

PainBaneChaos
Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 150
The point of no return
4 posted 2004-08-19 11:22 AM


Yet again, thanks darkness.  ^_^
Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
5 posted 2004-08-20 01:47 AM


Wow, wow, wow. Loved the tug-of-war bit.

Hollow.

"Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Depression

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary