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Infuriation
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Infuriation |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand 
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infuriation boils within me your voice is like tin foil to my ears your laugh makes my temples tingle your spiteful comments make me want to rip at your throat the way you have to be right when everyone knows your wrong, makes me grind my teeth so loud people look at me just seeing your 'i don't care, i'm the coolest person you'll ever meet' face makes me want to strike with my nails sitting next to you, within a metre away is just too close, for i fear i'll shout so loudly at you i'll make a scene but thats what you'd want. me to lose my cool make a scene just so that smile could broaden accross your face so you can spit at me with your spiteful words and let your laugh echo through my brain till i cant even take it anymore. I won't get over it until you get over YOU. "It would make those who listen to it doze into a land of rivers, kund fu and unicorns, eventually making the listener pee in his/her pants - Brandon [This message has been edited by silhouetted (08-02-2004 05:45 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 L - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Cool, Powerful, especially the ending. So many people I know, could fit into your description of these people. Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
the begining was powerful, as well as the end. I liked this. I hate this feeling, though. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
ohh...powerful write. She sounds like a bitch, whoever she is. The poem was full of emotion, i love it. Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i think you have a great start to a poem here... but a suggestion if i may... maybe you coulod try replacing long phrases like 'i don't care, i'm the coolest person you'll ever meet' with..arogance just a thought Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs |
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