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Dark Poetry #4
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silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-07-24 12:49 PM


Hi... this isnt really a poem. Kinda just me rambling with all this stuff im just writing down... if there are any paragraphs you think might make a good poem starter, please tell. I'm kinda lost for inspiration at the moment. (lol) anyways heres basically some words put together to make irrelevant sentences...


Dont look at me like im worthless
Dont make me hide
Dont make me understand your patience
I won't lie to the fact that your ungracious attempts
are being ripped at the seems
to make me look at you like your perfect cause we all know you are not

your magnified obscurity makes me laugh
your insane abnormality makes me laugh
your absolute attention makes me laugh
your explicit mindless notions make me laugh
but that look on your face makes me just want to curl up and die

save me
from your eyes
been lost inside too many times
to feel safe again in your arms
cause i know just one look up and they are there
reeling me in like a fish on a rod and i got no way to stop them
please save me
from you eyes
and let me drown some other way
so that the water will still surround me
but i will be alone in the fact that you will no longer be watching over me all the time

OMG RAMBLE!
lol random i no i no
but im bored! and slightly inspired!

LOR


"It would make those who listen to it doze into a land of rivers, kund fu and unicorns, eventually making the listener pee in his/her pants - Brandon

© Copyright 2004 L - All Rights Reserved
Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
1 posted 2004-07-24 04:15 AM


Omg! I loved it soooo much, sometimes rambling words work better than you think, and it was layed out like a poem.

"save me
from your eyes
been lost inside too many times
to feel safe again in your arms
cause i know just one look up and they are there
reeling me in like a fish on a rod and i got no way to stop them
please save me
from you eyes
and let me drown some other way
so that the water will still surround me
but i will be alone in the fact that you will no longer be watching over me all the time"

The absolute best part, I loved this part the most, the other paragraphs weren't as good I don't think. But please, show me more of this.

Hollow.

"Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian

Mad_Hatter
Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393
Canada
2 posted 2004-07-25 10:39 PM


I agree, ramblings can end up as amazing works, because it's just pure raw emotion, which is what this was.  Nice stuff.
River
Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627
my own little world
3 posted 2004-07-26 09:07 PM


hey if you want some advice...keep rambling, no matter how silly it sounds, that's how I come up with a lot of my stuff...don't think just write down whatever comes...just get loose, you know? by the way, this is not bad for a ramble keep it up.

        - River

Running out of pain

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