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PKreturns
Member

since 2003-07-21

Posts 362
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2004-07-22 05:03 PM

Empty inside
So cold inside
This guilt, this pleasure
I’ve been meaning to hide
Can’t see
What’s in front of me
The grinding ice
Passes so slowly
Hallowed ground
Unearthly sound
After all the rotations,
Still spinning ‘round
Yesterday’s news
Been abused
After all the laughter,
Still not amused
That flame
Still burns the same
A moment of indifference
Before the shame

yv
Senior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 574

1 posted 2004-07-30 02:07 PM

That seemed like a lot of pain. The fact that it was short and to the point further elaborates the shortness of life and the simpleness of its torture.

Been abused
After all the laughter,
Still not amused
That flame
Still burns the same
A moment of indifference
Before the shame

I think these lines say it all. Loved this read.

Yv-Goddess of Her Domain. Symbol of Truth Passion Pain. Let Her Smile Rain on the Hearts of the Innocent.

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

2 posted 2004-07-30 02:32 PM

wow thats alot of emotion and i've felt all of it. still do. e-mail me if you want someone to talk too. spritride87@yahoo.com. theres so much more i could say but i dont want to bother anyone. you are now in my library though.

"I am the bringer of darkness. A shadow in the dark. I prey on the. The child of the lost souls. I hunger for the love of one unknown. The one to reve

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2004-08-06 03:08 PM

After all the laughter,
Still not amused

you write very well.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

4 posted 2004-08-07 02:29 AM

I like this poetry because of its rhythmic tone.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

5 posted 2004-08-09 12:23 PM

Nice words, nice rhythm, loved the same bit as Lexy.

Hollow.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

6 posted 2004-08-09 03:36 AM

i like this one, i think if you extended the metaphores in this poem it would have much more impact...

Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs

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