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Dark Poetry #4
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vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere

0 posted 2004-12-28 04:29 AM


Mix your salty tears
with my dark red blood
and stitch back together
the pieces of my
broken heart.

only you can heal me.

Mix your gentle breath
with my heavy tears
and fade my sorrow
with soft reassuring
kisses.

only you can heal me.

My wounds are open, only
you can close them.
The opportunity's arised,
I present myself before you,
as opened as my wounds,
forget pride, my vunerability
showing unashamedly and honest.

look me in the eyes.
You have the power to heal me.
Why won't you heal me?


Pride is holding your head up, when everyone else has their's lowered. Courage is what makes you do it.

© Copyright 2004 Kirsty - All Rights Reserved
green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
1 posted 2004-12-28 10:39 PM


That was pretty cool.  The ending is like someone is looking through glass at someone else asking for help only their mouth is shut by like a gag made of cloth of tape of some kind of muzzle.  It leaves you in a void of desperation.  Cool.

-GIS

Corruption is caused by holes in obedience to God.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
2 posted 2004-12-29 01:48 AM


Don't know how to reply, see? I can't find my words. I've barely spoken all day, I've had nothing to say. I just don't know, not one of your best, but I still liked the poem and concept. But I know how you feel, sort of, it's frustrating.

Hollow.
Courtney.

You just got to see me through another day
My body's achin' and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
3 posted 2004-12-29 08:43 PM


well i liked it alot. awesome stuff. loved it... but i love most of yours so yeah

brillant, and you can get through this!

laura

you're the only one keeping me alive

aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
4 posted 2004-12-30 09:25 AM


this is exactly wat i have gone thru over the last 3 months.... only thing is you will find someone else who can do the healing for you.....
amazing poem girl...email me if you ever need to talk... always here for you
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

5 posted 2004-12-31 12:11 PM


I thought that perhaps you did not give enough detail about why the one addressed does not do as the speaker asks.  I found myself thinking that the addressee was cold and perhaps unable to commit emotionally to satisfying the requests of the speaker, but there is no evidence in this poem to back my suspicion to that effect....

Any idiot can see that the result is true.
-- argumentum ad idiotum
Me!

EveGnosis
Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300
New York, USA
6 posted 2004-12-31 11:26 AM


sometimes, i believe, it works to the advantage of the poem for it to be truthful enough to paing the soul, but ambiguous enough to be relatable from many person's own experiences. maybe for this poem to take flight in a reader's mind, the reader must be in the mindset of what the poem is saying to him or her at this sepcific moment in time.
for me, it hit hard, and thus was very successful. nice job, vamp!

of all the things we try to find... it's only love we keep.

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
7 posted 2004-12-31 05:09 PM


Fractal007: The reason I did not give detail on that, was because she did not know why he would not heal her. She was practically begging for him to heal her, but still he did not, and she did not know why. And because I wrote this poem in first person, I can't write things that the person speaking does not know.

Pride is holding your head up, when everyone else has their's lowered. Courage is what makes you do it.

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