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Dark Poetry #4

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peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

0 posted 2004-07-07 01:17 AM

I am invisisble to the unseen world,
I am locked away from sanity.
I am dreams thrown away,
I am the eyes of your enemy.

I have a heart beat, yet
I am destined to die unwillingly.
I have a mind with tangled thoughts,
I am drifting soundlessly.

I consider the life being thrown at me,
I am falling down its stairs.
I have a disablitly - it's trust,
I am yesterday's forgotten nightmare.

I see the unwanted, the untold past,
I try to approach it carefully.
I am locked away - I can't get in,
I am invisible to the unknown reality.

I am yesterday's tomorrow drifting soundlessly
to a world my mind has created.

"I'm just me, trapped in a body."

-peaceful_dreamer

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-07-09 10:08 PM

the last line was great.
I think you should try to mold it differently, so that every line doesn't start with I. It gets tedious to read.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

2 posted 2004-07-10 02:34 PM

interesting piece. Need a bit more depth.

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