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Dark Poetry #4

DepthsofInsanity

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2004-07-01 12:34 PM

From the depths of my mind,
I hear the devils chime,
He calls me nearer,
Just when I felt fearer,

I echo within my soul,
Looking to fill this whole,
As the dove flies above,
Without wings, but how?

Haunted by these passions,
And senses without lessons,
For the inner mind convulses, (quivers)
Laying here in waste it refuses, (from beneath this waste it peers)

Nautical miles I have traveled,
In search of a deeper rival,
For the beginning was unscathed,
Forever continuing emotions rape,

The devil knows all this too sound,
Gluttony offers my mind is bound,
The sense of end surrounds my self,
I became rich and lost my inner wealth.

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

1 posted 2004-07-01 02:35 AM

This has good content - but the rhyme isn't consistent.

"I'm just me, trapped in a body."

-peaceful_dreamer

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-07-01 06:05 PM

I agree. The rhyming sound very forced but the thoughts you expressed in the poem were very good. Remember that poems don't always need to rhyme.

~Alli~

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