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Dark Poetry #4
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BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds

0 posted 2004-06-18 10:46 PM


This poem is kinda weird with the line breaks not being where they normally would be, but I was going for something different. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for taking the time to read it.

Broken Fairy Tale

Old wounds, that for so long
I bathed in salt, holding on
To memories of the past, until I was
A cracked shell of my former self, so different
From how I used to be, not reaching
For the stars, but holding on
To the life I thought I knew, trusting in what
Can't be trusted, but I believed with
All my heart and soul, till the very bitter end
To our much too short love story, there's no
Happily ever after, only The End.


Everything gets better in the end, and if it's not better, it's not the end.

© Copyright 2004 Jennifer Rick - All Rights Reserved
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
1 posted 2004-06-19 12:39 PM


Good poem, great last line. The line breaks seemed to disrupt the flow for me, what do you think? Thanks for sharing. Keep writing.
BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
2 posted 2004-06-19 01:17 PM


Like I said, I was trying to go for something different. I wasn't sure if I really liked it or not. I don't know, but thank you for replying.
Jen

Everything gets better in the end, and if it's not better, it's not the end.

KuruShio
Member
since 2003-11-18
Posts 110

3 posted 2004-06-21 11:42 AM


i like it, the line breaks being in odd locations make you pay more attention to what your reading as opposed to skimming over it as you might tend to do.
kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
4 posted 2004-06-26 07:21 PM


Loved it. The line breaks were odd, but who said odd is bad! I enjoyed this peice so much. It's funny how a lot of my fairy tales end the same way! **hugs**
Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

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