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Dark Poetry #4
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Realities Ticket
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Realities Ticket |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Recent leaves scarcely flitrated the ground, as shields of the republic flew over the oasis. Calling for each other with brooms of silence, for subtle echoes through pipelines, as secrets are discovered. This is my land of fantasy, sheik suits, friendly smiles, distant hands sketched next to one another. Being adoptive of the surroundings, retreating to the tunnels beneath us, swinging intensely for a truth desired. Trains mold the ground, spin fastly through indecision, leaving tracks with eyes to slow to react. The fish are happier in this land of truth, to be felt with each breath, this fantasy is a mirror of intrusion. Touch the hands of fate, recent leaves rise above the ashes, as this distant fantasy becomes a golden treasure. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
"this fantasy is a mirror of intrusion." very imaginative. a world you dreamed up... just one criticism... I think the word fantasy sounds kind of cliche in this piece, especially because the imagry is so strong. The one time above where you used it, I think was the only effective usage. The last line seemed a little weak as well. But, this is very orginal and beautiful. Take care, Lex |
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