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Dark Poetry #4

I Hate You

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

0 posted 2004-05-01 10:44 AM

pouring worry grief
soul damaged beyond repair
you dirty crook you used me
and I let you.
returned once again to this hell called:
despair

I hate you
I hate myself
I want to die
and yet even you are not worth it

why did you do this to me
why did you let naive get the best of me
now I am left with nothing
no life
no God
no desire to live or die
no desire to see God ever again
then again it could be my own doing

I am so stupid
why did I let you
I knew it was coming
don't let me see you again
I hate you
walk away
I hate you
as I run away.

Running out of pain

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-05-02 02:44 AM

I liked it. The flow... a little edgy, but thats okay. Overall it was a great poem. Till next time...

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

wings of the moon
Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 323
Pink bubblegum land

2 posted 2004-05-02 07:10 AM

My main crit about this poem, is that you "tell" us too much, rather than "show" us. The power, and emotions were there though, keep writting...

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

3 posted 2004-05-02 10:56 AM

yup. hate has a way of affecting my writing. distorts my thinking.

Destinys_Fallen_Angel
Member

since 2004-05-06

Posts 75
Boise Idaho

4 posted 2004-05-07 08:32 PM

good write, althought its filled with pain and tells of an aching heart...its well written...good job

Yahoo messenger: destinys_Falen_Angel
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AOL/AIM: Eternityshyann

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