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Dark Poetry #4
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muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-02-16 10:45 PM



Beating on, beating on,
gonna break her.
So damned easy
to decompose.
Have to run
till im eroded,
exploited.
Line her up
for the firing line.
Broken
not as beautiful
as shattered?
Forbidden
is the easiest
narcotic
till you get
queasy on the rush.
Sickening
honesty,
didnt realize
the joke
was on
me.

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
1 posted 2004-02-16 11:30 PM


wow. i love this one
the rhythm made it feel like it was running through my head. i loved how you set it out as well.

the ending was well written and concluded it well.

awesome job. no suggestions!

keep rockin

darkness

You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson

Vagabond
Member
since 2004-01-23
Posts 163

2 posted 2004-02-17 08:09 AM


dido with darkness

Vagabon the Lost One

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
3 posted 2004-02-19 10:06 PM


I like this. The flow was great. The rhyming too. I think i will save this.

~Vampire Kisses  

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

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