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Dark Poetry #4

You won't understand.

Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

0 posted 2004-02-04 02:28 PM

We had
and we were
but we are
no more
I
felt your
skin
for the very last time
but it was
and it is
cold to the touch.
I need to talk
but you won't
and I can't
stand
the sound
of your voice.
You will
feel
and I remain
numb
always
just waiting for you to
come back.
But you don't
and I
stay in waiting.
You hope that
I do
but I won't
and you can't
we will
never
love
again.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

1 posted 2004-02-05 12:46 PM

i think the shortness of the line works for this piece, but it leaves me wanting more

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

2 posted 2004-02-05 01:25 PM

I made the lines short because its how I felt at the time. So many thoughts running and you cant finish one and start on another. It all goes so fast and they come together to form one of the most personal pieces I have ever written to me, in so few words. Thanks

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

3 posted 2004-02-05 06:51 PM

this is so great

i love it
it so personal (as you said) and so emotional

amazing

You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

4 posted 2004-02-05 06:59 PM

GOD I LOVE IT
IT SOOOOO GOOD
SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOD
PLEZ PLEZ PLEZ WRITE MORE

Silhouetted by Deception

Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

5 posted 2004-02-05 11:13 PM

Thanks

That means a lot to me.

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

6 posted 2004-02-06 10:45 AM

That's so cool. It's so hard to write succinctly and you have done so beautifully. I really admire this piece.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

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