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Dark Poetry #4
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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Artist |
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Even In His Youth New Member
since 2004-02-03
Posts 5 |
Knows what to say And just what to do The picture I painted I must have painted you I know I cant draw But you're the perfection That I could see inside I dont see why you domt hate me Well you're just amazingly kind No better a picture Can I hang you on me? Not alone in my head Thank you I'm sorry for who I am But as you seem to love me I guess thats who I'll stand I Love you |
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| © Copyright 2004 Even In His Youth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Paragon Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114 |
Noticed, you didn't have a reply (much as my own poem doesn't) so I decided to give you one. I say if you put this through a spell-checker and add a bit more description to this poem it would be a solid peice, as it stands it is a fine sentiment. -Paragon. |
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Jelfling Junior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 21Indiana |
I agree with Paragon, run it through spellcheck and expand on your ideas a bit more. Some of the lines are a bit confusing as it is. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i agree, you need more concrete thoughts here, a lot of abstract makes it hard for the reader to follow your thought process. "So what befalls the flawless? |
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