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darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

0 posted 2004-01-21 01:08 AM

You stand over me
A smug look on your demented face
I cringe as you build up spit in your motuh
I knew what came next
As the siliva shot through the air
My eyes rolled backwards into my head
I lost conciousness

I surfaced the world to find a sever in my lip
And a bruise that felt like a 10 tonne
weight on my forehead
When I tried to move I felt like I was
Strapped in a straitjacket

I lift my head and
Place my hands either side of me
Slowely lifting myself up
The world spun but I made it.
I examined myself in the mirror

I see your face if I look deep enough

My shirt buttons undone
A rip in my skirt
My hair caked with my own blood
A broken finger
Coincedently the one wearing your ring

I gently sit myself on your bed
Shocked yet not surprised
I walk into the bathroom and sit in the full bath
The water is disturbingly cool
I sit, watching my blood turn the water a putrid red

Its then I realise what you took
this one hurt to write
NOT BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

1 posted 2004-01-21 06:00 PM

i can't decide what i think about this piece. i've read it several times and get several different interpretations.

-*-*-

Immortality is my illusion.

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

2 posted 2004-01-21 11:06 PM

thanks for replying

not sure if thats good or not.... i geuss its good cause it keeps people geussing......
hmm....

i wasnt to happy with it either... I thought it was good but a bit to full-on

anyways thanx for posting again

Unseamedsoul
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 11
Rowesville , S.C.

3 posted 2004-01-22 06:55 PM

I enjoyed it.. It is still keeping me guessing.. Which I love.. Keep it up !!

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

4 posted 2004-01-23 03:44 PM

I don't get it? I have an Idea of what it means. I like your creature antics better

Vagabon the Lost One

NightFall
Member

since 2004-01-28

Posts 88
The land known as England

5 posted 2004-02-01 12:30 PM

my boyfriend says it the best poetry when your feelings are released otherwise its not as powerful. well written its excellent.

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