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Dark Poetry #4
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exhale
Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

0 posted 2003-12-17 10:11 PM


the vibrations of my heart
are shaking the floor
still i'm invisable
it's alright
tomorrows another day
tomorrows another heartache
my tears are burning my face like acid
like acid
running down my face
aiming for my heart
i'm sick of crying all the time
whats the point
i don't need your pity
i don't need your sympathy
i just need you..

"hello my name is..Distance.."

© Copyright 2003 Chelsea - All Rights Reserved
SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
1 posted 2003-12-18 12:32 PM


Intense, heartfelt words...
Terri~

[This message has been edited by SharaRose (12-18-2003 12:33 AM).]

Mad_Hatter
Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393
Canada
2 posted 2003-12-18 01:10 AM


Very nicely written, full of emotion.  I enjoyed it, thank you.
Defective
Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 73
Salisbury NC
3 posted 2003-12-18 11:17 PM


*~^my tears are burning my face like acid
like acid
running down my face
aiming for my heart*~^

Brilliant simile, never thought of it that way, but so true. So very true...

darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
4 posted 2003-12-22 10:35 PM


oh my goood ogd...
wow exhale that is amazing
i know exactly how that feels...
"i dont need your pity... i just need you" that is so true.

but then what should expect from you? ONLY THE BEST OF COURSE!!!
i love the way you write so keep posting!

Lozza
New Member
since 2003-12-22
Posts 5
New Zealander (in UK)
5 posted 2003-12-23 10:04 AM


I absolutely agree with all that is said above!  Heartfelt and true.
River
Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627
my own little world
6 posted 2003-12-23 02:16 PM


completely agree with this. bravo, it's a sick feeling indeed.

         - River

Love hurts as bad as it feels good.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2004-02-23 03:02 AM


I feel this
kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
8 posted 2004-02-23 03:24 PM


I'm feelin this. Amazing write.

~Vampire Kisses  

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
9 posted 2004-02-23 11:22 PM


mouth was actaully open for like 5 seconds before i realsied wat i was doing

SO DAMN GOOD
I LOVED THE END SO MUCH./....AND UR NAME EXHALE ROCKS!!!

LOR

In the bible on angels have wings, and the rest must wait to be saved - Jewel

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
10 posted 2004-02-24 01:49 AM


the last line was a nice twist, i would have not expected that ending, nice write

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
11 posted 2004-02-24 11:00 PM


Wow, this is a totally awesome piece! I love it it is so heartfelt, i think alot of people can relate to how your feeling in this poem!

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

12 posted 2004-02-26 06:41 AM


Very sad but well written poem...i could feel the heartache as i read....

Thanks for the words....

Goldenrose.

''Each soul is potentialy divine..the goal is to manifest that divinity''

darkstar
Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230
Port Richey, Fl, USA
13 posted 2004-02-26 08:57 PM


I love the acid tears...
Gemini
Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203
Wisconsin, USA
14 posted 2004-02-26 09:33 PM


exhale-been there, nice write.
silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
15 posted 2004-09-19 02:32 AM


aaahh....

going through my library and found this again... one of my all time favourites. brilliant ending. sigh. love it

thought it had to be brought back up to the top

LOR

put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus

aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
16 posted 2004-09-19 08:59 AM


i love it... am there right now.....
agree with everyone.... this is amazing and soooo heart felt.... keep up the writing..
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

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