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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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swow finix Junior Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 14here but nowhere now |
i have returned to our city a mere haunt of the past walking down the empty streets my echos seem to last. "are you in here?" my shattered voice floats across a ruined sky my answer was my echo and i don't know why. "I'm sorry" a silent weaving through the smashed foundations i suddenly find myself alone without an explantation. swow finix i really need some replies for this one. it is very important! ~be who you want-belive what you want~ |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
i have returned to our city a mere haunt of the past walking down the empty streets my echos seem to last VERY NICE START/INVITES THE READER/WANTING MORE --------------------------------------------------- "are you in here?" EXCELLENT -------------------------------------------------- my shattered voice floats across a ruined sky my answer was my echo and i don't know why. LAST TWO LINES/VERY NICE ----------------------------------------------- "I'm sorry" a silent weaving through the smashed foundations i suddenly find myself alone without an explantation. THIS WAS GOOD/BUT I WAS HOPING FOR/MORE OF A SURPRIZED ENDING. -------------------------------------------------- NICE WRITE/WITH ENJOYABLE MYSTERY. poe If nothing is something then everything is our thoughts and feelings and all that exists. [This message has been edited by mysticpoe (10-29-2003 09:50 AM).] |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
An unexplained ending leaves lots of unanswered questions. I feel for your pain. I hope all the best comes to you. Anyone going through this definately pays their dues All the best. Sending a hug..I'm sure you could use one right about now. This is a very hurtful place to be.  Love, Terri~  |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
my shattered voice floats across a ruined sky my answer was my echo and i don't know why. "I'm sorry" Okay, wow, this is one of the best poems I have read in a long time, it flowed flawlessly and those lines are amazing. Good job...im...shocked....  |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
i thought the ending...it left a person wanting answers to questions...that's good because it's the point of the whole poem =) good job =) - River Love hurts as bad as it feels good. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
it happens that way...sad write here |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I liked this--it has the potential for much more though. You could express alot of inner thought through outer metaphorical visuals on this journey. It's good as it is though. Good enough for me to ask for more, huh? Well done. |
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