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Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

0 posted 2003-10-26 07:05 PM

Dead All Over
10/26/03

A part of me is broken
My heart begins to sob with it
Red blood rips from its every pore
And I begin to fill

All emotions become drowned
All insides smothered
As I am filled
And I feel ready to explode

In a way I do explode
For I begin to bawl
Painful and violent tears
Of my heart’s red blood

As I fill on the inside
I release on the outside
Yet it only gets worse
All is red

My emotions were flooded
Washed away with the storm
I am drained of my existence
And now I feel nothing

Even though a new day begins
The sun shines on the horizon
And all becomes clean and dry…

I am still dead all over

(It seems a little gory, and I'm sorry that it is. I guess you can call this the result of a long time of pent up emotion. Enjoy, or if not, tell me why not)

~*~I'm a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

[This message has been edited by Dragon Mistress (10-26-2003 07:06 PM).]

Starsfalling
Member

since 2003-03-18

Posts 94
some where deep in the shadows

1 posted 2003-10-26 09:02 PM

you need to work on how the lines flow together a little...but overall i liked reading it
no more crying...
-lance

There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods

Third Libra
Member

since 2003-08-10

Posts 125
South Carolina

2 posted 2003-10-27 07:10 PM

I don't find this gory at all...but that may be because I like that kind of stuff (in a way). Anyway, I liked this write a lot. Great images, and very nicely put together...at least in my opinion. Good stuff.

Love is only an excuse to hurt and to get hurt... Knowledge brings ye fear.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

3 posted 2003-10-29 10:50 AM

Oooo...very nice. Very descriptive and beautiful. Nice job. This will definitely be going in my library for future reading.

*I figured out that trust was just my one mistake...*

CrEaTuRe
Member

since 2000-01-01

Posts 260
Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia

4 posted 2003-10-30 07:42 AM

Like the flow eventhough it's a lil gory it suits the writting very well... Look forward to more of ure stuff

Jazvina

Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2003-11-08 01:36 PM

definitely

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

6 posted 2003-11-09 11:45 PM

A powerful read here, DM.
Much enjoyed.

coyote

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

7 posted 2003-11-13 12:39 PM

well done

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