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Dark Poetry #4
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later then usual
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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later then usual |
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swow finix Junior Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 14here but nowhere now |
do you feel that life is fading? just like your child forgotten and shadowed, pretty for you locked away, exiled like a dancer who locked away her shoes never to dance again her dress burnt away for good to smile to a new friend a square that rolled off your page to dress in edges no more you feel more beautiful for them but fading, are you sure? do you feel that life is fading? just like your child forgotten and shadowed, pretty for you locked away, exiled. i do. ~be who you want-belive what you want~ |
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| © Copyright 2003 swow finix - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Giving voice to the dark-- I liked the use of repetition in these lines: "just like your child forgotten and shadowed, pretty for you locked away, exiled." At the beginning and again at the end-it helped to emphasis the feeling of ongoing hopelessness. The "i do." at the end reminded me of a moment of sunset, just when the light disappears. (It also reminded me of my wedding vows, but chuckle, I suppose that is MY problem.  ) The use of the lowercase "i" is also a subtle indication of lack of personal power.Enjoyed. Welcome to Passions--check your e mail for a special greeting from Passions in Poetry. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
welcome to passions, great forst post, you have a very intense style, hope to see more of you "For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible." |
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swow finix Junior Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 14here but nowhere now |
thanx eor and senerity blaze for your kind words. ~be who you want-belive what you want~ |
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