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*Inque Monroe*
Junior Member

since 2003-10-18

Posts 43
No where special

0 posted 2003-10-19 08:53 PM

(This is extremely old, some people like it, some people don't, I personally do not know, it could be better, please reply)

The world is a cold, cruel unfeeling place.
Years spent spinning and twirling in space.
Coming closer, closer to the sun.
Like a bullet in the shaft of a gun.
Years of yearning spent in its cold depths.
Making one's mind free to wonder and search
Search the deep for any feeling or trace of love.
Death and destruction the slow desolation of
our kind. In this cold cold place we call
home, there is no place to run
we can only turn to face our crimes.
Friends against friends foe within foe.
The world against its self. One againt one's own.
Blood poured over the already spilt blood. Eyes are
closed only to re-open anew.
Yet we yearn, we search and we cling onto the thought
of warmth in this desolate land. The thought of an angel
to take us away, to show us love and kindess and
help us begin a new day.
This foolish thought is the only thing that keeps us alive.
We are such fools.

~*~ In this world of darkness, only poetry holds the true light. ~*~

Soul Sepulchre
Junior Member

since 2003-10-19

Posts 29
Tennessee, USA

1 posted 2003-10-19 09:06 PM

Once again, babe, an excellent work. I still like Starlight better, but this one rocks. Keep it up.

Jeremy -
Hate me now forever more...

~*DrAgOnFLY*~
Junior Member

since 2003-10-17

Posts 29
Haven of Abyss

2 posted 2003-10-20 07:00 PM

love it as always sis *pokes the kid above and snickers, running off to hide* cant think of me thing off the top of my head, i like it the way it is. "bullet shaft of a gun" gave a vivid mental pic

"You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same"
Forever 'N Always <><
~*DrAgOnFLY*~

[This message has been edited by ~*DrAgOnFLY*~ (10-20-2003 07:01 PM).]

swow finix
Junior Member

since 2003-10-17

Posts 14
here but nowhere now

3 posted 2003-10-21 12:15 PM

inque monroe...

i found this poem to be a very good write. sometimes our older stuff, once found, can suprise us with the messages written through lack of humility.
I too like the line about the bullet in the shaft of the gun. very creative.

i am now on the search for starlight. expect a reply on that from me too.

~be who you want-belive what you want~
~love who you want~

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

4 posted 2003-10-21 12:26 PM

I agree, it could be better. The fact that you realize this makes it pointless to dwell on. Instead, I'd rather point out the lines that struck me deepest:

"Coming closer, closer to the sun.
Like a bullet in the shaft of a gun."

"Friends against friends foe within foe.
The world against its self. One againt one's own."

It's worth reading for those lines, if nothing else. The trick is figuring out how to string together lines like that through an entire piece. It's a painstaking skill, for you and I both.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

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