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Dark Poetry #4
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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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overpass reject |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
When you hit the floor There was a question mark Spread across the pavement Was it red or was it black? The muscles are crawling Into the storm drains Being deceived by your hands It was the pavement And you were a man When you hit the rock That was labelled over-jagged Did it all come out? Did the real birds sing? Did the finger twitch? And the lungs re-hitch? I’m just vacant Hit every red light too When you touch the floor With your spinal cord Does the world record All the times you cried? And there’s a keyboard For every lost soul Let the broken pores Unveil the madness In-between the skin Never reveal the secrets to me The ones buried beneath All the rotting carpet And now they lye on The numberless slave-way Because we’re never free So they wrapped it up In a black, plastic bag Send you off to be archived We’re just pieces of data At the very end They only want to know When you landed what way Did you bend? |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ryan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Asian Rain Member
since 2003-10-11
Posts 73 |
Great write and these lines are fantastic: "At the very end They only want to know When you landed what way Did you bend?" Asia |
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Defective Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 73Salisbury NC |
Powerful.  Good work |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Thank you both, your replies mean much to me |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
damn |
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cusick Senior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 668 |
It is the way that the world is today, nobody cares. Enjoyed the read. Maggie |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
? I wish I knew what this was saying, but whatever it is you sure are saying it with conviction. Wow, and I don't even know what I'm wowing about...  Love, Terri~  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"At the very end They only want to know When you landed what way Did you bend?" This is a powerful write. You dare to ask the questions I've often had trouble even thinking. You left quite an impact on me with this'n. (er...no pun intended. sigh.) |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Thank you for your responces and shararose, when I wrote this I was writing about suicide. It's mainly about a man who is seriously damaged and then he dies and it's about how after people commit suicide no one cares what drove them to do it, they just care about having it dealt with and forgot about...thanks all. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Enjoyed this excellent write alot, Mad_Hatter. I just posted a piece myself, in the same vein, if you'll pardon the pun.  Thanks, coyote "Who knows if to live is to be dead, and to be dead, to live? And we really, it may be, are dead; in fact I once heard sages say that we are now dead, |
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Brad Majors 
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
nicely written! |
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ranidae_poet Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66Texas,USA |
this is a wonderful expression of the horrible way this issue is delt with....left me in awe...love it. thanks for sharing There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill and to create. |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
.... ... .. morbid what would caring instead of forgetting prove? love? It is so selfish to just cry and try to forget them. harsh. painfully beautiful hatter. I don't add many, but I'm adding this. ~Lex |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
Don't mind me... *add* I forgot. |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Thanks again guys. Suicide is such a sad thing and is delt with most often so terribly. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
Great, a really powerful piece with strong imagery. Nice one. Ellie I am a firm believer in the authority of the ruling class. Especially since I rule. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i really like this one ryan, you did a very nice job scrpiting this "So what befalls the flawless? |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
nice job on this, well penned indead. |
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