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Dark Poetry #4
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Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2003-09-25 11:02 PM




these
thoughts
cold...

these
dreams
parched...

this
heart...

far
from
woe
is
me

this
soul...

far
from
playing
the
victim

these
eyes...

shut
wide
open

my
body's...

intuition
choking
on
the
odorous
fumes
of
your reality...

my
world...

does not
revolve
around you

these
thoughts
far
from
censored...



If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (09-25-2003 11:03 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Kristen Brandon - All Rights Reserved
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
1 posted 2003-09-26 04:46 AM



"my
body's...

intuition
choking
on
the
odorous
fumes
of
your reality...

my
world...

does not
revolve
around you"


I like the strength in these uncensored thoughts.

Well said, Kris...

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

2 posted 2003-09-26 08:28 AM


I liked the narrow perspective and the visual effect the words give on the page.
It adds much strength to the piece.

Thanks,
coyote


aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
3 posted 2003-09-27 06:29 AM


nice piece.... the short lines make it easy to read although at the same time it seems like the writer has a short attention span.
no offence though. it is an excellent poem the way it is...
aussie teen

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
4 posted 2003-09-27 01:30 PM


Kris:

it all lies right here:

these
eyes...

shut
wide
open


tell me about it
one of these days they will
see as they should
beautiful writing, m'friend
xxoo

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