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Open Poetry #30
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The factory... please critique
| Open Poetry #30 |
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The factory... please critique |
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brtymj New Member
since 2003-03-05
Posts 8 |
please comment on the following poem my conceousness strains to see through the haze of lust when i hold my sheets and long for your touch i try to analyse what these feelings are and why I'm feeling them... when each and every word you write is revered as art framed, and hung on the walls within the chambers of my mind the sound of your voice eccoes in every corridor like a sweet song I feel for you equally in two ways, marilee One side of me wants to talk to you and explore every realm of your godly mind and the other side of me wants to hold you and explore every surface of your angelic body I must not hold back these feelings for you I must eccept the fact that you are real even though you are to good to be real |
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| © Copyright 2004 brtymj - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
welcome to passions! interesting write, very expressive. did you mean consciousness in the line "my conceousness ", and accept in the line "must eccept the fact"?  |
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