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Open Poetry #30
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A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

0 posted 2004-01-23 10:27 PM







Of earthen tune,
Or borrowed moon,

Wilst thy love flow like a tear?,
Musical sounds whispering into thy ear,

Unto a sparrow and a lark,
Tear does fall that shatters thy heart,

Of lenders or borrowers be,
Of earthen loot,of mystical shores,

Where my fingers play the flute,
Borrowers of time,

Of earthen rhyme,
As I am feeling thy dance of thy foot,

Moonbeams,stars,
Of what is red, what is black or white?,

This magical, mystical night,
Where shadows fall,spirits call,

Lonely into the wooded forest of gloom,
Beneath the darkened trees,

Across thy silvered moon,
Where the swan dances,

To the heartsong of the earthen swamps loon.


Open your eyes, open your mind, open your heart, let me come in and show you love.....~ARH

© Copyright 2004 Millette A. (Lester) Addison - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2004-01-23 10:38 PM


Question - you have your critique flag checked and yet you say 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.'

Kinda makes it hard to critique it yanno? What if a person doesn't actually have anything 'nice' to say?

Anyway, my honest response - it sounds nice enough, but what does it mean? What is it saying, exactly?

K

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
2 posted 2004-01-23 11:13 PM


It is a lovers dance..between a swan....and a loon underneath the silver moon...the swan represents a beautiful vision....while the loon is a bird not known for its beauty..thus meaning two people who are from different worlds..or different ages can still love eachother no matter what sorrow the world will bring due to their appearance...Like "Beauty and The Beast"

The moon is powerful, especially a full moon..it has a magical spell...making even the least expected relationship to grow in full bloom....drawing two people together that is unlikely to be together...

Also I did this like a chant or spell...a little rhyme for a childrens book.....



Open your eyes, open your mind, open your heart, let me come in and show you love.....~ARH

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

3 posted 2004-01-24 05:33 AM


I think it is brilliant my love....it has a minimum amount of words and yet those words speak volumes...with clarity and honesty... and magical style  the picture is very beautiful too and of course with you ...deep love....love is in everything you do my love....that is the reason i love you....

Love Goldenrose.xxxxxxxxxxx


''Each soul is potentialy divine..the goal is to manifest that divinity''

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
4 posted 2004-01-24 08:34 AM


i think its very lovely....
and yes, it does dance...

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
5 posted 2004-01-24 08:38 AM


Yes it is very lovely and your explanation makes it precious.
Love, Margherita

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