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Open Poetry #30
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2writeis2be
Junior Member
since 2004-01-11
Posts 45
Live in London, but from TX

0 posted 2004-01-23 06:10 PM


little tiny us

sand grain beings
so small
living our longshort
lives
a quick exchange
humanity
erasingreplacing
circularcycles
mass mimicry with our
families
schools
jobs
little tiny us
making the most of our
little tininess

"Why don't you try and learn from my mistakes? It takes half a lifetime to learn from your own."

© Copyright 2004 Lisa Somerset - All Rights Reserved
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

1 posted 2004-01-23 06:16 PM


Too many people saying little acorns grow
Taxed into oblivion
Are you little people
Or just those
Facing that piece of sand
Rubbing you
Into something valuable

Dave

2writeis2be
Junior Member
since 2004-01-11
Posts 45
Live in London, but from TX
2 posted 2004-01-23 06:20 PM


"Or just those
Facing that piece of sand
Rubbing you
Into something valuable"

Hey that's a good little additional poem dave--really good actually! Striking way you wrote it. Short but sweet and to the point.

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
3 posted 2004-01-24 06:17 AM


"sand grain beings"

i like this
it makes us
pearls


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2004-01-24 06:26 AM


Not a new thought...and still just as futile ~heaves sigh~

I like it though, cept I think you could easily lose the last two lines - they just seem to baldly state the very thing you're saying in the rest of the poem...no point in doing that really...

K

Michelle_loves_Mike
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189
Pennsylvania
5 posted 2004-01-24 10:37 AM


...and some of these tiny grains,,,
   get stuck and cause us many pains...
...not many make it to be pearls,,,
   yet in our minds, always whirl......

good write
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

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