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Unseamedsoul
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 11
Rowesville , S.C.

0 posted 2004-01-22 07:28 PM

"My Wicked Garden"

The weeds that grow , Inside my wicked garden
The seeds that these dead flowers bare ,
Fuel the dark embrace , the eternal kiss
My evil garden's bathed in the moolights glare ,
My love lyes beneath this diseased ground
The fruits sweet juices ran dry ,
Rotten and plaqued my wicked garden is
Tainted , poisoned the roots in this sty ,
Roses dead as night crumble upon a single touch
My little garden of death and decay ,
Lady Pestilance , you know was once here
In my little garden she did play ,
The eternal kiss, Of a traders embrace
She , with her love for death
Danced inside this very garden on this night
Sucked of life , she laughed wickedly with every breath ,
Her touch of poison robbed my garden of life
This wicked garden , bathed in death tonight ,
But to someone such as me
This garden of death is such a beautiful sight !!

please feel free to comment and let me know where I lack , and whatever !! Thanks , and enjoy !!

There's a crack inside this heart
Something that will never be healed ,
I can't give anything to anyone
Cause this whole will never be filled !!

Unseamedsoul
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 11
Rowesville , S.C.

1 posted 2004-01-22 07:41 PM

Just as I thought... I'm outta here !!

There's a crack inside this heart
Something that will never be healed ,
I can't give anything to anyone
Cause this whole will never be filled !!

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

2 posted 2004-01-22 07:50 PM

whoa wait a minute, you need to give people a chance to read and respond....you posted at more of a slower time right now...relax..

Hi, and Welcome to Passions we are glad you have joined our circle of friends, and family….

please check your email for a special greeting

Kindly

Greeneyes~

~*~
In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes art

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

3 posted 2004-01-22 07:54 PM

hey i liked it.

some of the rhythm is a bit out... though.

maybe change some words around so that you get a nice even syllabic rhythm.

thats my only advice

Unseamedsoul
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 11
Rowesville , S.C.

4 posted 2004-01-22 08:24 PM

thnx I have tons more.. But the rules won't allow me to post it all at once.. even tho I would love , and I mean love to post more ! And I thank you for the comments... Sorry I really don't have any patience lol !!

There's a crack inside this heart
Something that will never be healed ,
I can't give anything to anyone
Cause this whole will never be filled !!

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