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Open Poetry #30
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Tsk...tsk...tsk...All to no avail
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Tsk...tsk...tsk...All to no avail |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
Tsk…tsk…tsk…All to no avail I felt empty So I then Filled up my soul with worldly things In pain I coated my wounds With sweet lies Alone I surrounded myself With meaningless figures Hopeless I wrapped my mind With swirls of pointless haste Ugly I coated my entire being With things beautiful, but fleeting. All to no avail Then empty, My soul has dried up My wounds never healed Alone, I became deserted Then hopeless, now numb I was uglier than ever. Tsk…tsk…tsk… |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jasmine Sagge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Well done. I have a feeling if we liked ourselves more, we wouldn't feel the need to change so much. I enjoyed this. |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Nice structure nice the way you have gripped the emotions It is a nice poem Nicer would be to see it explode so the emotions and not the associations drive the feeling I felt empty So I then Filled up my soul with worldly things Suggest Dripping my soul I sought empty things Wordly endowing my soul I supped The early morning taste Believing my soul I allowed the red of morning To dance Dave |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
dave, i like your suggestion. suggestions are most welcome. keep them coming!  jasmine |
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