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Open Poetry #30
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Dream of Father's Dance (recently revised version)
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Dream of Father's Dance (recently revised version) |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Dreams of father daughter dance, Landing plans of what to wear, seniors final year. Curl, crimp or straighten hair? Four leaped, little time to make-up missed; Childhood ends are nearing. How can this be true from my daughter what I'm hearing? Warm signatures sent on Christmas cards Even of pet(beloved skunk), But she unnamed, left behind. Tear emptiness from hemlock drunk Plans these girls made four years Dismissed to his wild vacation, I'm not her dad, but we'll play pretend and ease her dislocation. When last we dance the little girls' dance, warmly I'll give to her my hanky ~Sadelite~ [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-16-2004 10:22 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sadie, I wasn't sure who was talking in this, whether it was the father to daughter, or vice versa. Aside from that, I enjoyed the thoughts it left me. Thank you. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I see it as a girl that was forgotten by her father who went on vacation. Seems the narrative is being done by a step-father? "sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.." |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Sunshine, I debated whether I should include a note about the narrator. I'm not sure, but I'll try to clarify in the poem if I can. Thank you for your input. This is what I need to better myself. Thank you, friend. ~Sadelite Susan, Yes OR by her best friend's dad, whichever the reader would choose to believe. Thank you for letting me know how you interpretted this. ~Sadelite Sadelite |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
A huge difference. Thank you Sadie! |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Sunshine, You had good questions that kept me thinking. When I wrote it, I tried to leave it open so that a person could imagine feelings from any of the four characters (well, maybe three...) Thanks for checking back in. I'll catch your posts over the weekend. Sadelite |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Nice write. That last dance is difficult. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
iliana, Truly. (BAD day work today! Tempers, tempers...) Thank good for poetry as a means of escape! Sadelite |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Brings memories of a childhood friend whose father was in the service. He was in Viet Nam her first three years of high school. In the beginning of her senior year, when he returned, he was to be relocated to another base - and taking his family with him. My friend only wanted to finish out her last year in high school...and we pleaded with my folks and her folks that my family would take her in for just the few months it would be to allow her to graduate with all of her friends. As a parent now, I understand her father's need to keep his family together. But then, I thought he could see how important it would be to her, to graduate from the high school where she had spent many good years. Today...I wonder if the father regrets his decision. She went, of course, being the obedient daughter, and later died in a terrible traffic accident. Had she stayed, her whole life's course could have been altered. We never truly realize just how much impact this very next moment we do something - will have on the future. Thank you Sadie...for sending me back here once again.  |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
That is very chillingly sad. Thank you for getting me thinking. It's nice to see such heartfelt thoughts beautifully expressed. |
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misao Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 50 |
What a beautiful write for someone talented. I saw the sadness within this poem. But sadness is turned into beauty. |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Plans these girls made four years Dismissed to his wild vacation, I'm not her dad, but we'll play pretend and ease her dislocation. Hi Sadie, I read your poem as it being a step-father talking. It's a very good poem, by the way, and I enjoyed reading it.  Ethel |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Sunshine, I told you not to reply (just to look and see the finished product. For some reason I can't get the magic of revision until it has been posted on the blue screen for about a half a day. My pieces (even with prior Passions revisions) never end up the same at the end of the day as how they started-they are works in progress due to the magic of the screen. I'm glad you checked in to see the growth of the poem and writer throughout the day. Thank you. ~Sadelite |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
endlessecho, You could not have flattered me more. Writing, or better yet, expressing my feelings in any form, is very difficult for me. As I read the final revision it sent me a chill, too. It's a neat feeling to know that I expressed in such a way that someone else felt that same feeling. Thank you for sharing that! ~Sadelite~ |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
misao, Thank you for your generosity in kindness- ordering words, thoughts, and emotions are a challenge for me. Again, I appreciate your thoughts and glad it evoked emotion. ~Sadelite~ |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Yes -- this is much clearer now with the revisions and really good. It deserves a second look! |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
whether father or surrogate, transitioning with daughters leaves one feeling woefully inadequate...my last (and, yes, daughter) leaves for college on Monday--and I am certainly not ready for it. thanks for the write. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
iliana, Thanks for stopping back. I think it is much better, too. I'm glad Sunshine asked the question she did. Maybe I'll figure this writing thing out with the help of the people here... Thanks again. Sadelite steavenr, Good luck to you on Monday. I send best wishes to you and your daughter... Thanks for stopping by. Sadelite |
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