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Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 2004-01-15 05:29 AM

and it passes that nothing passes
but circles round in unobtrusive
nights and days that blend together
into one lingering moment of a life
half-lived and half-dyed in an ungodly
concoction of parity and asymmetric lies

so what if no one cares that no one cares
as long as I care and go on dying each day away
in a multiplex of what to do and who to kill

I can't imagine any more spartan way of stating
that you hate me and I love you than simply
ignoring the whole inanimate saturninity
that quivers like a doberman on point
waiting for me to move the wrong eyelash
so it can rip out my throat in one
violently effective carnivorous motion

so it passes that nothing passes
and I'll go yet another handful of hours
in which I'm too afraid to breath
and too bored to sit in this detracted
state of mind-numbing nothingness

and the spinning will confuse me
the smoke will overwhelm me
the lies will drown me
you will kill me
and I won't care

-*-*-

Cancer kills us all. I'm not immortal after all.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2004-01-15 07:39 AM

Philip, it's all good. This, particularly...

quote:
I can't imagine any more spartan way of stating
that you hate me and I love you than simply
ignoring the whole inanimate saturninity
that quivers like a doberman on point
waiting for me to move the wrong eyelash
so it can rip out my throat in one
violently effective carnivorous motion

was immensely graphic with imagery...at least, for me.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2004-01-15 09:12 AM

intense imagery..and feel to this.. you present the pain well... perhaps too well..lol..

enjoyed the offering...

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2004-01-15 01:06 PM

as long as I care and go on dying each day away
in a multiplex of what to do and who to kill

Those lines above could have been mine once, and I am sure many others too at times. You squeezed every drop of emotion you could into this poem. Fear can create the wildest anger, and what do we do with that, especially when no one wants to hear it? There is no one to blame, so it bottles and festers. There is so much reality in this poem and sometimes that stings, like now. Excellent work.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-01-15 01:09 PM

I will be thinking about this one for a long time

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

5 posted 2004-01-15 02:22 PM

Yikes. I hear ya on this one dear poet....yes I do. Well done. Chris

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know
that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

6 posted 2004-01-15 02:53 PM

Very real. I think we can all think of feeling at least one line (probably many more) in this poem at some time in our lives. At so many times in our lives. Either way this was a very alive and powerful read. Thank you for sharing such raw emotions.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA