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Open Poetry #30

The First Time

Maki Riddington
Junior Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 10
Canada

0 posted 2004-01-15 01:20 AM

Lost in the crowd I saw you
I will never know you
Hands locked in unison
Black intertwined in white
Is it really true?
Will I ever know you?

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

1 posted 2004-01-15 01:26 AM

Interesting poem, Maki.

Maki Riddington
Junior Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 10
Canada

2 posted 2004-01-15 01:29 AM

I changed lines 3 and 4.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-01-15 03:52 AM

some questions we never know the answers to

Welcome to Passions

wordwizard
Member

since 2003-09-08

Posts 483
on the way to next world

4 posted 2004-01-16 09:38 PM

This is a nice short piece that's leads to unanswered questions but I also see it as a beginning of a longer poem written with stanzas such as this with for example, each one asking a different question. That's my humble opinion. Welcome to the forum, I see you do training and I myself must go back to the gym

Maki Riddington
Junior Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 10
Canada

5 posted 2004-01-17 05:15 PM

It's a description of the first time I saw my wife.

She was in a crowd, she was holding hands with a her boyfriend (he's "white", she's "black")and I remember thinking to myself that she was out of my league and I would never get to know her.

Who knew.

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