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choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

0 posted 2004-01-14 09:15 AM

Sleepless in night's midst,
mind smashed into smithereens
beyond time and space-
swirling frenzy of flaked white
spreads chaos across the void.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2004-01-14 10:06 AM

brings several images to mind, Paul...none of which I am sure of
*s
M

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

2 posted 2004-01-14 10:28 AM

brings several images to mind, Paul...none of which I am sure of
*s
M

Good point, M, While uncertainty, which you picked up on, was predominant along with doubt and pain, re-reading feels abstract and vague, like maybe I am hiding a bit. Thanks for bringing that out. I appreciate your comment Also, I would be interested in what images were evoked for you, if you don't mind sharing...~C

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

3 posted 2004-01-14 11:12 AM

Sleepless in night's midst,
mind smashed into smithereens
beyond time and space-
swirling frenzy of flaked white
spreads chaos across the void''''

~~~

I've been sleepless for so many nights, Ive lost count, I too can read more between the lines --it brings to me-- a ghost haunting....maybe that of a lost lover or friend....(thats just me) I enjoyed this, and thank you

Lauren~

~*~
In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes art

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

4 posted 2004-01-14 11:20 AM

I've been sleepless for so many nights, Ive lost count, I too can read more between the lines --it brings to me-- a ghost haunting....maybe that of a lost lover or friend....(thats just me) I enjoyed this, and thank you

Lauren~
~*~

Lauren, you are very perceptive and tuned in to my inner experience that was largely left unstated in this poem. It raises an issue for me regarding the fine -line between not over-saturating the reader's psychic space on the one hand, which from my perspective engenders a more fluid relationship between reader and poem, and on the other hand, simply being vague, evasive, dense, etc...I appreciate your sharing what was evoked for you...~C

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2004-01-14 11:25 AM

A hauntingly beautiful poem this is.

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

6 posted 2004-01-14 12:30 PM

A hauntingly beautiful poem this is.

Thank you Iliana....Haunting does indeed seem to be the key word here. As I sit with the notion of haunting, it seems that the transitory nature of life takes center stage as I grasp back at old memories which now seem more like illusions ~C

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

7 posted 2004-01-15 06:16 PM

snowflakes or not
the void is still

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

8 posted 2004-01-15 08:38 PM

snowflakes or not
the void is still....

Nice!

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