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Passions in Poetry

Trinity's Infinity

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teenpoet
Member
since 10-17-2001
Posts 287
Michigan


0 posted 01-13-2004 10:38 AM       View Profile for teenpoet   Email teenpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for teenpoet

Little things that don't make sense
You never told me how to walk away
I cannot understand the difference
between today and yesterday
So easily incapacitated
So quickly I am confused
Three guys one word
And it's all because of you
Your friends your life
Your simple little lies
But I can't trust myself
And I can't trust you
I don't know if you lie to me
I don't know if they lie to me
All I have to hold me up
Is my hope for something good
I want you here by my side
Want your love you claim to have
Need something to pull me through
Pull me through to you?
I don't know
It's everything that's gone wrong
Piled into just one moment
Everything I've ever dreamed
Straining in one man
It isn't supposed to be this hard
Isn't supposed to confuse me like this
Or is it?
Is this how it's supposed to be?
Am I supposed to lose my mind
Only to find it again in you
I try to find a path I know
A path I want to follow
But all the paths that I want
Have your footprints on them
I'd go alone along the way
But my body feels so hollow
When I don't have your footprints next to mine
That way I don't have to follow
I can walk along beside you
And I can pretend that the trinity
That confuses me
Is all just my imagination
And that you are my dream come true
(I think you are anyway)
Then I'll walk through the day
And dream of pleasant things
As you guide me over sticks and stones
And catch me should I fall

When you twist around to see the past you're missing your chance to glimpse the future.

© Copyright 2004 Alicia Adams - All Rights Reserved
Terrina
Member
since 12-31-2003
Posts 168
California


1 posted 01-13-2004 11:34 AM       View Profile for Terrina   Email Terrina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Terrina

And that you are my dream come true
(I think you are anyway)
Then I'll walk through the day
And dream of pleasant things
As you guide me over sticks and stones
And catch me should I fall


I love this last part. There are things in the beggining that are a bit redundant. It's obvious that you think this person hurt you and did it intentionally, or did he? You're nto sure...You can say that in a couple lines, or two versus, you don't need to elaborate that much unless you are going to go into what was said, and how it effects you.
but you are good.
There is quality here.
Keep it up.
teenpoet
Member
since 10-17-2001
Posts 287
Michigan


2 posted 04-01-2004 08:34 AM       View Profile for teenpoet   Email teenpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for teenpoet

You are right and thank you for the opninions and advice.  I'd try it but I never edit anything that I write when it comes to poetry.  If it were a story or prose or such i would correct it but as it is not I won't mess with it.  but i want you to know that I value your opnion anyway.

When you twist around to see the past you're missing your chance to glimpse the future.

cusick
Senior Member
since 07-27-2003
Posts 673


3 posted 05-02-2004 10:42 AM       View Profile for cusick   Email cusick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cusick

It could be pruned slightly but a brilliant poem. Some really good images. Maggie
 
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