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Open Poetry #30
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LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

0 posted 2004-01-08 01:35 PM


Iliana, I hope you read my friend's apology and thereby understand him better after the mean way he treated you.


I didn't think it was polite
To upchuck the "meal" you made.
I forced myself to keep you down
Though my stomach was eaten away.

I took three slugs of Alka Seltzer
But the Pop Fizz must have broke.
You had my stomach tied in knots,
As you caught there in my throat.

I tried to hug the porcelain bowl,
Thinking some kneeling would do the trick.
I wish I hadn't been so mean,
Because you've made me awfully sick.

I was insane, you drove me wild,
I couldn't get enough of you.
But then you wanted to see chick flicks,
And football just wouldn't do.

I played along with your desires,
I watched the Steel Magnolias marathon.
I went with you to Fabric Stores,
And then to the Beauty salons.

I swallowed all of my manly pride,
As I visited women's clothing stores.
When you caught me with bras and panties,
I promised not to do it anymore.

My fishing pole and hunting rifle,
Haven't seen the light of day.
I'm eating quiche and sipping wines,
And choking down cheesecake.

The heartaches that you're feeling now,
May have left you feeling hollow.
I want to let you out of my tummy,
Because, Honey, you refuse to swallow!

Signed, Your friend, Balladeer

heh, blowing bubbles indeed!

[This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (01-09-2004 08:45 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Michael Waterman - All Rights Reserved
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
1 posted 2004-01-08 01:38 PM


hmmmmmmm...I feel as if I missed something..

"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2004-01-08 01:39 PM



Watch out for that sharp pin, LJA...
you never know when it's going to be sneaking up
behind you!

McLean
Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 484
state of marital bliss
3 posted 2004-01-08 01:40 PM


Who's in whose tummy?  Whom is in who's tummy?  Geez...you know what I'm asking!  

This is a funny thing you men folk do on here!  What a lively bunch.

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
4 posted 2004-01-08 01:49 PM



KristieSue
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460
PA, US
5 posted 2004-01-08 01:50 PM


lmao!!!!

Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
6 posted 2004-01-08 02:19 PM


You ain't right boy!!!
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
7 posted 2004-01-08 02:22 PM


LJA - please tell Balladeer that I really appreciated his apology and thought the poem was extremely funny (actually liked some of it).  However, kind sir, none of it was true!  Better luck next time!  Bubbles indeed!  And swallowing, well I love bird watching!
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
8 posted 2004-01-08 03:02 PM


Iliana - ROFL@bird watching!  That was a classic response from a classy lady.
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
9 posted 2004-01-08 06:54 PM


Why, thank you, sir.  Just for that sweet response, I'll send this back to the top and let others watch the war!
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2004-01-08 07:04 PM




Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
11 posted 2004-01-08 08:20 PM


Iliana, that's not true!
I would never upchuck you.
I'd keep you here without a fuss
Tucked safe in my esophagus.

I've heard that you're a gal of taste.
To spit you out would be a waste.
You'll never need to feel hurt..
You'll always be my best dessert.

Forget that LongJohn. He's a jerk
With many stunts that never work.
He's never had a tasty morsel
Cause he is such a flaming arsehole.

Come reside within my chest.
Don't worry where you come to rest.
You'll see how sweet I really am
When you are in my diaphram

Youngatheart
Member
since 2003-12-30
Posts 333

12 posted 2004-01-08 08:29 PM


I think Balladeer has won this battle, LJ.
I am laughing all the way to the medicine cabinet...
Y.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
13 posted 2004-01-08 09:45 PM


Iliana, I must quickly step in here,
And warn you about old Balladeer.
He'll play Emeril with your heart,
While he dines on your better parts.

He'll chop you, dice you, but wait, there's more,
He'll throw in steak knives by the score.
He'll shake you, bake you, while he plays,
Then he'll turn you out like a puffed soufle.

He'll swallow you, and there's a chance,
He'll feed you to his studio fans.
And if you wait, you'll be another page,
In the recipe book he sells on stage.

As if that treatment's not bad enough,
He'll mount your body like a bear rug.
You'll adorn his study by his fire place,
With a silly look upon your face.

I've tried to warn you the best I can,
Balladeer "cooks" like no other man.
I'm warning you because I give a dang,
Don't become that 'Deer's hunger pang.

heh - ol' 'Deer is gonna hang up his "apron" now!

Lorelei54
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458

14 posted 2004-01-08 09:49 PM


A beautiful poem by a beautiful man.

heh, Using Lorelei's screen name to boost my readership is pure genious!

Youngatheart
Member
since 2003-12-30
Posts 333

15 posted 2004-01-08 10:14 PM


LMAO
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
16 posted 2004-01-08 10:17 PM


Another intelligent reader!  Thank you for your obvious adulation of my wonderful talent.
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
17 posted 2004-01-08 10:45 PM


                    

jaicie114
Senior Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 750
On the edge of forever
18 posted 2004-01-08 11:22 PM


Oy vey!!!!

Love and Light...jc

This I know as Truth...we are all Beings of Light.

Youngatheart
Member
since 2003-12-30
Posts 333

19 posted 2004-01-09 07:00 AM


LJ...was laughing too hard to respond
Bonnie j
Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588
Ohio
20 posted 2004-01-09 07:31 AM


Oh!Oh! The Two Musketeers of Badness ride again. Now wait a minute where's the Third Musketeer?
LOL
Love Bon

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
21 posted 2004-01-09 07:49 AM


Pepcid, Zantac, Pepto-Tums,
Stay away from these two bums
They'll chew you up then spit you out,
(At their age you'll give them gout)

I for one am much more couth,
I'd sip you down like Campbell's soup.
Little nibbles, licks and kisses,
Chase you down with wine that fizzes.

LongJohn will wash you down with rum,
And you're so sweet he'd weigh a ton.
Balladeer drinks Mountain Dew,
When he eats it "goes right through"

I won't eat you all at once,
A little now, some more for lunch.
A sheepherder's dinner, something new,
Just a little bit of "ewe"...

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
22 posted 2004-01-09 08:08 AM


OMG!!  Toe actually wrote a really funny poem!  Hey, everybody.  Come look at this!

Toe - That was a great poem!  ROFL

Youngatheart
Member
since 2003-12-30
Posts 333

23 posted 2004-01-09 08:24 AM


LMAO ....again....
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
24 posted 2004-01-09 08:27 AM


Uhhh...LongJohn,,that was the most "serious" and true poem I've ever written?
Bonnie j
Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588
Ohio
25 posted 2004-01-09 08:38 AM


Morning all.........
Now I see the Third Musketeer of Badness.
You sillies. You sure give us a good belly laugh.
Love Bon

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
26 posted 2004-01-09 09:13 AM


A beautiful poem by a beautiful man.

heh, Using Lorelei's screen name to boost my readership is pure genious!


what a great idea...
you guys gave me my morning warmth on such a cold one...

I missed all the fun last evening...

this was great, all 3 of you...
now I must go read Iliana

hugs around
M

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
27 posted 2004-01-09 04:59 PM


ROFL... and a great big BRAVO to all participants! *S*
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