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Open Poetry #30

Somewhere Where

Kristabell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 678
Portland, OR

0 posted 2004-01-05 06:12 PM

Somewhere Where
She strives to find,
Somewhere where,
She can go,
And redeem her mind,
For within the depths of uncertainty,
She floats,
All alone,
Not seeing the incoming boats.

She feels out of place,
Like she is a disgrace,
Her attitude changes,
So she became,
What she feared,
And what she persevered.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

1 posted 2004-01-05 06:20 PM

I like this with reservations...the end line is weak.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-01-05 06:46 PM

That sounds like anguish from the soul.

Swimming deeper elongating her body
Pointing her future to the dreams she held
Barrolling spinning flying floating
She seeks the ones
She has disowned

Dave

Kristabell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 678
Portland, OR

3 posted 2004-01-06 08:39 AM

I want to change the last line around. I want it to say-

And what,
She persevered?

That may make more sence.

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