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Open Poetry #30
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alan6501
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since 2004-01-03
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0 posted 2004-01-03 12:50 PM


THE ABSENCE


In isolation as is this world
No emotions allowed
They don’t make cash
To hell with a stable life
There are too many backs to stab
And too much self to be full of
Maybe we’ll all self-destruct
It’d be the first step to reconstruction
Of a world that is tainted
With the very existence of the human race
Things could be so much damn better
If we’d stop committing internal suicide
And blood-soaking beautiful landscapes
With arrogant screams of prideful monsters
The devilish spark comes to the surface

Violent hands molded by absent parents

-Alan650

What do you guys think of this poem? I know its a very intense subject matter but tonight I was in a very intense mood so this is what eventually resulted. I would really appreciate some feedback! I enjoyed getting feedback on the other poems that I posted (The Dance and Seeker)

© Copyright 2004 Alan B. Stallsmith - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2004-01-03 01:02 PM


I actually liked it...each line making me think, feel and agree... of course, I am in the proper mood for your poem.

M

Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2004-01-03 01:16 PM


alan6501
Thank God you are in a place that allows this, Strong write.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2004-01-03 01:34 PM


I am a people-watcher, and it's what I do for a living, it's what I do best.

People are inherently good...when it comes down to it, people are not self-serving and back-stabbing

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-01-03 01:37 PM


let me also add that I work with people who make six-digit incomes and have half-million dollar houses and most of them are very giving and caring.
Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
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In Your Poetic Mind
5 posted 2004-01-04 10:22 AM



wickedbeautifulpoetry
Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 84
Indiana, USA
6 posted 2004-01-04 12:28 PM


I love this poem...it captures the state of the world today beautifully.

-katie-

alan6501
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since 2004-01-03
Posts 89
PA
7 posted 2004-01-05 01:18 PM


I just wanted to clear some things up about this poem. (specifically to passing shadows) I don't think that people are inherently evil but I do think people (not all but most) are very misguided. Look at the state of the world today-greed, war, and dirty things are all around us. I never meant to make people think that I thought people were just evil and self-serving. Take in mind that I was also in an upset mood when writing this. However, I meant and unfortanately agree with every line of it. It is also a sad reality that parents aren't around as much (specifically fathers) to take care and raise kid. I think this is the biggest problem facing our country today. I just approach poetry with stark honesty and sometimes I guess that can offend others.
Michelle_loves_Mike
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Pennsylvania
8 posted 2004-01-05 07:59 PM


"If we’d stop committing internal suicide" having read your poem, and the reply's,,,,all I really have to say,,is I agree with the fact that most of the "bad" or "evils" int he world,,are from within,,,,sadly, we(meaning people), learn most evils,,,how we learn them,,,is determined much by how our story unfolds....evil ,,is it internal suicide? a reality? or the fight we have against what we've learned over the years?.....and,,,when we find the answer,,,,will we learn from that?,,,,
take care
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
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Louisiana
9 posted 2004-01-06 04:31 PM


This poem made me think... and in spite of the obstacles that presents to a blonde, I like a read that does! *G*



Michelle_loves_Mike
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Pennsylvania
10 posted 2004-01-06 05:58 PM


Alan,,,
No new stuff for me? hmmmmmmm
care to do a duet sometime?
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

alan6501
Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89
PA
11 posted 2004-01-06 06:30 PM


Hey Michelle. Actually I was planning on posting another one!I'm glad you enjoy reading my poetry so much.

A duet? Hmmmm. I've never done that before but how would we do that? Intriguing idea!!!

Ok, I'll post another one after this.

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