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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-12-30 08:58 AM

Something Not Mine

suspended
my heart
feels like a leaf
in whirl
of wind
trapped in
an invisible
force of tumble
with each breath
I take I die
a little more
finger tips grasp
at air to something
so close yet
so far away
aching for something
not mine
afraid to sleep
in fear
there you appear
where the only place
I hold you now
is in memory
and every tear
shows a trail
of pain
and the only way
to describe
you now
is gone

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-12-30 09:09 AM

Some things
just never are, ours.

Well done, Helen...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-12-30 09:13 AM

Helen, I felt an ache in this one.
Heart Hugs to you, sweet lady

Ethel

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2003-12-30 09:13 AM

Wow....just Wow!
Fantastic Helen!
Hugs~

In the midst of winter..
I found there lives within me,
an invincible summer.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-12-30 12:58 PM

gawd! I know what you mean!

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2004-01-01 03:45 AM

Yes, I've felt that -- you described it so well.

chrissydome
Member

since 2003-11-28

Posts 73
germany

6 posted 2004-01-01 06:15 AM

that's so beautifully aching, it touches me so deep, especially last few lines. great work!

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

7 posted 2004-01-01 08:17 AM

"with each breath
I take I die
a little more"

I like you for a reason.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

8 posted 2004-01-01 01:50 PM

"afraid to sleep
in fear
there you appear
where the only place
I hold you now
is in memory"

Wow, that's like a review of my New Year's Eve.

Stunningly sharp, numbingly true.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

9 posted 2004-01-01 04:21 PM

nice read

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

10 posted 2004-01-01 05:03 PM

Something Not Mine

suspended
my heart
feels like a leaf
in whirl
of wind
trapped in
an invisible
force of tumble
with each breath
I take I die
a little more
finger tips grasp
at air to something
so close yet
so far away
aching for something
not mine
afraid to sleep
in fear
there you appear
where the only place
I hold you now
is in memory
and every tear
shows a trail
of pain
and the only way
to describe
you now
is gone

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

11 posted 2004-01-01 05:06 PM

Screw up on my side - post script

I liked the short sharp penetration to the brain.

Can I ask you to look at the wind by a traffic light with a bored policeman.

Would you write that, please.

Dave

Terrina
Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 166
California

12 posted 2004-01-01 05:25 PM

You are very talented...I like short scentences and thoughts, like you can't write as fast as you think. That's great

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

13 posted 2004-01-01 06:40 PM

Dang! All my tries at using a Leaf as the symbology for my heart are naught - compared to this...

Loved it...

jimmy

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

14 posted 2004-01-01 07:20 PM

Helen - your poetry is so powerful and probes so deeply - it is just great - Paul

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