Waiting............haiku, or senryu?

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Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2003-12-19 04:04 PM

Inside the rumble
of wild-eyed cars and sidewalks,
this kitten, waiting.

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2003-12-19 04:08 PM

I don't know but I liked it - Paul

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2003-12-19 04:22 PM

Gee I'm not sure Ed..
would the 'cars' make it a senryu?
It's great though..I love it.
Hugs~

~Let peace begin with me...

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2003-12-19 04:24 PM

I'd call it senyru... but more... I'd call it excellent! *S* I can feel the tremble. *S*

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-12-19 04:37 PM

I liked this poem.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Steve Motuel
Member

since 2003-12-19

Posts 72
Bergen auf Ruegen, Germany

5 posted 2003-12-19 04:44 PM

with a beat of 5-7-5 its a haiku...

and a good one at that!

Steve

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

6 posted 2003-12-19 04:49 PM

Great. For whatever reason, it put me back to my '58 chevy with the 'stone crusher' engine and a willin' little brown eyed girl who wore tall shoes and more skin than clothes!

Cool! Thanks.

Kazm
Member

since 2003-11-13

Posts 99

7 posted 2003-12-19 04:55 PM

I don't care which one it is. I like it.

Kaz

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

8 posted 2003-12-19 05:30 PM

RL -- really, really, liked it!
.......................jo

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

9 posted 2003-12-19 05:49 PM

Is a close one, but I'll go with senryu, since it does have a naturalistic concept, although 'kitten, waiting' is very oxymoronic.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

10 posted 2003-12-19 11:42 PM

I could picture this, Ed...well done!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

11 posted 2003-12-19 11:51 PM

meow
yes, a senryu
thank you
meow

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

12 posted 2003-12-20 03:09 AM

hard to tell...haiku is about nature...senryu can be about anything I guess...

who cares? It's a great little piece!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

13 posted 2003-12-20 07:34 AM

The kitten tiptoes into Haiku,
but the cars run down Senryu street...

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

14 posted 2003-12-20 10:41 AM

from your explanation to me,
senryu...  Incidently thanks for the tech talk.   Now, I've got another question, if you check out Robert, Guitar Maker, will you tell me what type of poetry it is?   These forms interest me, but I have little knowledge of what they are, and would like to improve upon them.
  As always, I enjoyed your write!  Poor little kitten!
                        Sadelite

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

15 posted 2003-12-20 10:56 AM

Beyond description...except beauty.

Eric

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

16 posted 2003-12-21 04:41 PM

This is wonderful Ed

me think it a senryu but the little kitten might say otherwise

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

17 posted 2004-01-18 03:36 AM

RatL -- I really liked this. This was very visual. I could interpret it two ways and suspect that's how you meant it. Curiosity killed the cat, so is that why the kitten is waiting and what is the kitten waiting for? See, this left my mind working....that's good. ........hugs........jo

McLean
Member

since 2004-01-05

Posts 484
state of marital bliss

18 posted 2004-01-18 06:20 AM

I like to call it a 5-7-5! And you did an excellent job in counting!

McLean

Muys
Member

since 2002-04-06

Posts 389
The Netherlands

19 posted 2004-01-18 06:55 AM

So much kitten die
She have no time for waiting
The nature call
Muys

richard taylor
Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 136

20 posted 2004-01-18 08:56 AM

Hi, I do like your style and the poem is very good its not haiku I would call it either senyru or a haik-et.
well done Richard.

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