Dusk is Snow, Covered in Red...

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Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

0 posted 2003-12-16 04:01 AM

Must I embrace you,
fire.. I am ash ridden,
touched by white snow
and burning...

How could the icicles melt if
they spent
so much time going
further
down..
until there were no
voices so low
to repeat the chorus of spring
one last time..

This year, I forgot the summer
brushed aside the Autumn thoughts that
wandered aimlessly
blowing back and forth between
the humid breeze...

I could not be thankful
for something that couldn't keep
me
from watching the sun
rise like I rose once..
in memories that I've kept for
their unique ability to echo
like a forlorn cello
swept up in a tornado..

I'm spinning my own web..
one that could catch the
most silver winged gypsy moths..
chances are,
they'll see the color of dusk
hitting the silk strands..
one last time...

embrace...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-12-16 04:06 AM

I'm spinning my own web..
one that could catch the
most silver winged gypsy moths..

me too, meghan, me too.

you caught me in that one, y'did.
silkenly sticky verse here.

enjoyed this much.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-12-16 04:10 AM

bittersweetly sad

Obscurity
Member

since 2003-12-04

Posts 153
In A Melancholic Dream

3 posted 2003-12-16 04:56 AM

My lord... this has to be the saddest piece I've ever read. Literally I've got lil tears watering up my eyes.

Marvelous piece of poetry, marvelous...

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

4 posted 2003-12-16 10:10 AM

Beautiful.

Eric

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2003-12-16 11:29 AM

Beautiful wiritng, Kaoru!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2003-12-16 02:19 PM

I could not be thankful
for something that couldn't keep
me
from watching the sun
rise like I rose once..
in memories that I've kept for
their unique ability to echo
like a forlorn cello
swept up in a tornado..

I'm spinning my own web..
one that could catch the
most silver winged gypsy moths..
chances are,
they'll see the color of dusk
hitting the silk strands..
one last time...

embrace...
many things to embrace... your words, being one of them.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

7 posted 2003-12-16 02:53 PM

"I'm spinning my own web..
"one that could catch the
most silver winged gypsy moths..
chances are,
they'll see the color of dusk
hitting the silk strands..
one last time...

embrace..."

Simply eloquent!

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

8 posted 2003-12-16 02:56 PM

Your work is good!

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

9 posted 2003-12-16 03:29 PM

quote:
I could not be thankful
for something that couldn't keep
me
from watching the sun
rise like I rose once..
in memories that I've kept for
their unique ability to echo
like a forlorn cello
swept up in a tornado..

is one of the best verses i've seen in some time. it could stand alone as a poem itself, quiet, reflective, and covering a breadth of time in one shot. as a whole, the poem has potential and is headin' the right direction. this verse made it wholly worth reading.

C

ps - the title is what caught me in, though i'd ditch the comma.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

10 posted 2003-12-16 03:34 PM

I could not be thankful
for something that couldn't keep
me
from watching the sun
rise like I rose once..
in memories that I've kept for
their unique ability to echo
like a forlorn cello
swept up in a tornado..

Ya know Meghan, each read just keeps getting better and better and I am loving watching it. This is one of the best poems I have read in awhile, your words echo.....
so very well done.

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

11 posted 2003-12-16 03:40 PM

every time i read you...i am breathless...your words know the highest heights and the lowest pits...i feel so lucky to be able to have the privilege to be in your presence…
this world is such a softer place for me…with you in it…h

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

12 posted 2003-12-16 03:50 PM

absolutely gorgeous.

I'm keeping this.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

13 posted 2003-12-16 04:28 PM

I could not be thankful
for something that couldn't keep
me
from watching the sun

wonderful writing, a pleasure to read

M

mytuesdaywishes
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

14 posted 2003-12-16 04:49 PM

you have such a way with words...you know people better than anyone

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

15 posted 2003-12-16 07:27 PM

this is so beautiful. your imagery is breathtaking.

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

16 posted 2003-12-16 07:43 PM

beautifully done!!! Paul

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

17 posted 2003-12-16 07:46 PM

from watching the sun
rise like I rose once..
in memories that I've kept for
their unique ability to echo
like a forlorn cello
swept up in a tornado..

~*~

Did you think
I wouldn't notice?

But I did...

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