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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-12-15 11:58 AM

Undone

you despise the things I love
and love the things I despise
you scream for perfection
in an imperfect world
in the eternal search
for something better
I hear you crying in the darkness
and it burns my skin
with the smoke of a thousand fires
but your skin is based of oil
and precious moments slide by
I can not touch you
or teach you to feel
you make my pen heavy
and I have leaned into your heart
to whisper secrets that I know
but you stubbornly sit
self imposed deaf, dumb, and blind
as I trace again the letters written
in reverse and make my heart
undone

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

1 posted 2003-12-15 12:00 PM

Woohoo. I love this. Bravo! Great pice and a fine read. Well done indeed.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

WannabePoet
Member

since 2003-12-10

Posts 62
New York USA

2 posted 2003-12-15 12:27 PM

Beautiful write, a bit haunting.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-12-15 12:28 PM

It sounds like it's time to take your pen elsewhere...you don't need anyone like that

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

4 posted 2003-12-15 12:37 PM

Rats, Grace - From the title of this post (Undone)I was hoping this poem would be about your brassiere or loose-fitting silk blouse. Instead, you write about somebody who doesn't deserve the attention of your wonderful talent. You wrote very well, but the subject could have been a lot [insert eager panting here] better. lol

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

5 posted 2003-12-15 02:06 PM

smiling at longjohn...but understanding your words

M

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

6 posted 2003-12-15 05:40 PM

wow - what apowerful write - your words evoke powerful emotions - Paul

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