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Open Poetry #30
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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2003-12-12 12:43 PM


Cut

As I catch her eyes, stubbornly blue,
she drops them to the ground. Strangers
drone past us, faceless,
like black and white extras-
1950’s Hollywood.

I want to be Dean,
push the moment-

“What do you expect to find on that train?”

It topples over,

doors hiss closed,
the backdrop swallows her-
blue gives in to gray.

[This message has been edited by Kevin (12-12-2003 12:45 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2003-12-12 03:58 AM


nice...
SuperGlueRyan
Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 45
Possum Kingdom
2 posted 2003-12-12 04:03 AM


Very nice. A shy moment that is let slide.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
3 posted 2003-12-12 02:49 PM


So nice to see you back here writing.  This kind of reminded me of the commericial on t.v. where the girl writes her name in her breath on a window on the subway train and every man but the one she was attracted to has a pen   A missed opportunity really is a shame in such a short lifetime.  Well done Kevin.

                    
Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2003-12-12 11:20 PM


you write a fleeting encounter scene well, and 'cut' was a perfect title to this

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
5 posted 2003-12-12 11:44 PM


the trucker was looking up my skirt on the red light and then it ended quickly as it began...call it love for a moment
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
6 posted 2003-12-14 11:55 PM


As I catch her eyes, stubbornly blue,
she drops them to the ground. Strangers
drone past us, faceless,
like black and white extras-
1950’s Hollywood.

That pretty much wraps it up and says it all.
Good stuff, Kevin~

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