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Open Poetry #30
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maximillian
Junior Member
since 2003-09-13
Posts 23


0 posted 2003-12-07 07:23 PM


I look toward the reflection but I can't see myself,
Only the outlines of two eyes with banished darkness, seeping,
Like a character in a Dickens novel; I have a fitting name; deepening,
But reading the lines on my wrinkled face isn't so fetching, there is no matching key
A thousand lines on my face, if only it told my story, my fame,
Something sharp is in the shallow sink; is it an object or is it me?
A desperate hand reaches for a pool of life, it hits with a whack,
A life that rippled by a hand that had seen more life than I,
My hand points at the mirror - it points back lacking glee,
I finally realize I should have done more of that to I, myself, and me.
Tell the world I had removed the sharpness, now that I am blunt, I’ve lost my sense of ignominy.
How beautiful the sun is, if only it wasn't so bright, my blood might have a chance to shine,
Tell the world I am ready for life, I have lost my sharpness, my reflection, my endless gyre. I want my chance please.
Here I am now. Here I am, finally. The sun is getting darker...they say all is fine.

© Copyright 2003 maximillian - All Rights Reserved
eringobraugh
Junior Member
since 2003-12-06
Posts 16
Michigan
1 posted 2003-12-07 09:27 PM


This is a dark, but very deep read.  Your use of language is unique and interesting.  I know little of form, but I do understand, and feel, substance.  This piece has substance.  Nice work.
WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
2 posted 2003-12-10 08:18 AM


A very powerful write. The language is perfect for the peice. A work worth of reading more than once. Meanings that escape upon first glance then sweep the readers mind. Nicely done. Great work.

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (12-10-2003 08:19 AM).]

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

3 posted 2003-12-10 08:20 AM


what a terrific write, and valuable vision for all of us to look towards again and again...outstanding!
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