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Open Poetry #30
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Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

0 posted 2003-11-23 10:10 PM



The dark skies
the winter storms
seasons   end
and hide  

between velvet robes of darkness
in a shadow of his whispering voice

touch
           movement  

                     stillness

how many stars have fallen since
the "edge of air"
where  earth  will round
and skies    pour

you can not face  midnights         with time  itself --
I do not feel the cold wind,  
nor fear the storm

I wait.

for how I feel touching you
when I am out of touch


left here, glancing round, above, beneath
the oceans scene
a temple of times     rebirth me in
one breath

under fragile motion --
   look how this changes me

powerful    between the void  
captive of wood
   the source of echoes

they know no other waters

in  blue        light
he touched my face

for a minute    I,     was     lost

laying        again       quiet
in wordless thought

falling snow  still touches me --

softly remembering     I
belong to you   for


the last dance

~~**~~

{Greatly inspired & Muse Dedicated}
/pip/Forum82/HTML/003358.html


I had a dream last night
you came to me on silver wings of light
I flew away with you in painted sky
Was it real
Is it what you see,touch or feel


[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (11-23-2003 10:31 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Lauren~ - All Rights Reserved
Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
1 posted 2003-11-23 10:17 PM



this is stunning writing...

for a minute    I,     was     lost



you make it easy for your
reader to feel lost... indeed...

well done.
snow

"...why does my skeleton pursue me
if my soul has fallen away?"
~p.neruda


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2003-11-23 10:20 PM


"for a minute    I,     was     lost

laying        again       quiet
in wordless thought

still touched by falling snow

softly remembering I
belong to you   for


the last dance"


Everything you write Lauren..so breathtaking!
Hugs~

Eloise
Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096
Wyoming
3 posted 2003-11-23 11:14 PM


A wonderfully penned piece.  I enjoyed the read very much.
James_A_Fraser
Senior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines
4 posted 2003-11-23 11:20 PM


The way you alternate voices -- back and forth, cross and recross like a loom -- and what a cloth you weave!



~~J

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
5 posted 2003-11-24 03:16 AM


simply beautiful and sadly...on the bottom..
to the top

I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
6 posted 2003-11-24 03:27 AM


I love it when you get inspired
ambrish
Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 257
India
7 posted 2003-11-24 05:18 AM


lovely
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
8 posted 2003-11-24 05:28 AM


Lauren, this is breathtakingly beautiful!!
Hugs to you, sweet Lady  
Ethel

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

9 posted 2003-11-24 09:02 AM


lady,
you always write with such depth and with so much heart, how can one not be moved by your poetry?

as usual... I'm not finding the words to say what I want to..so I'll just say well done...


very well done

Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
10 posted 2003-11-24 09:09 AM


Beautiful words, Lauren.

Jason

Kazm
Member
since 2003-11-13
Posts 99

11 posted 2003-11-24 03:29 PM


Maybe you are the best in PIP. I feel like I can reach out and touch your images. I haven't read from everybody but I think you are the best so far.

                                                 Kaz

Robert Frazier
Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014

12 posted 2003-11-24 04:26 PM


beautiful!

R

Opeth
Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543
The Ravines
13 posted 2003-11-25 07:36 AM


I read this a few times and after reading it, I felt like I just trudged through some icy snow encrusted field in order to dive into the ocean, in search of...

Simply put, wow.

"If this grand panorama before me is what you call God...then God is not dead."

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

14 posted 2003-11-25 08:44 AM


between velvet robes of darkness
in a shadow of his whispering voice

touch
           movement  

                     stillness

how many stars have fallen since
the "edge of air"
where  earth  will round
and skies    pour

you can not face  midnights         with time  itself --
I do not feel the cold wind,  
nor fear the storm

I wait.

for how I feel touching you
when I am out of touch

left here, glancing round, above, beneath
the oceans scene
a temple of times     rebirth me in
one breath

under fragile motion --
   look how this changes me

powerful    between the void  
captive of wood
   the source of echoes

they know no other waters

in  blue        light
he touched my face

for a minute    I,     was     lost

laying        again       quiet
in wordless thought

falling snow  still touches me --

softly remembering     I
belong to you

======================================


*sigh*
I know this moment of inspire...I know how it feels to touch the words...stars are within reach for a moment in time....
and I know how amazing it feels to find the release...and dance that dance....

You are a ballerina ... graceful swan... gifted poetess.

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
15 posted 2003-11-25 09:00 AM


lauren,

few people's words touch me quite like
yours do, it goes beyond just a remarkable
talent to write--you touch so deeply upon
emotion...

I can't quite put it into words. You
just simply take words and weave them
into more...much more.

I loved every line of this, but the
following especially touched me

"you can not face  midnights         with time  itself --
I do not feel the cold wind,  
nor fear the storm"

This is amazing as are you
Many hugs dear.
Take care,
Amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

16 posted 2003-11-25 11:25 AM


whoah...this was indeed a stunning write...creative artist and very professional...I mean it Lady, this was awesome.  Very much enjoyed
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
17 posted 2003-11-25 11:47 AM


Lady Lauren, I now know how it feels to be a snowflake softly cascading down from gray skies...


Linda

titch k
Member
since 2003-11-25
Posts 123

18 posted 2003-11-25 03:51 PM


hi greeneyes
oh i sooooooooo enjoyed this verse....SMILE
every stanza line I could re quote as beautiful...as each were a journey

warm love Titch

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
19 posted 2003-11-25 08:23 PM


Is the "last dance" too late to learn?

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
20 posted 2003-11-25 08:29 PM


Lauren,  both poems are stunning writes...
Yes,  you are most certainly inspired..and
your pen reflects clearly that inspiration.

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
21 posted 2003-11-26 03:17 PM


wish i could take more time to write on this... i've been reading here and there, when i get the time and inclination, but this one prompted me to at the least drop an appreciative note.
quote:
for how I feel touching you
when I am out of touch

...is beautiful. you might consider rearranging to fit this in a little sooner, as it seriously develops the tone.

hugs n' stuff.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
22 posted 2003-11-28 05:31 PM






(smiles) Yay! Awwwwwwwww, this is sooooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, God Bless You, and may the snowflakes always glide down upon you and see the crystals twinkling with so any possibilities and iridescent dreams! (kiss on cheek) I love this, sweet friend, you are special to us all, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lauren, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

23 posted 2003-11-28 09:46 PM


"I wait.

for how I feel touching you
when I am out of touch

left here, glancing round, above, beneath
the oceans scene
a temple of times     rebirth me in
one breath

under fragile motion --
   look how this changes me"

Hi Lauren...I am rarely able to respond to your poetry as I would like, so more often than not, I just read quietly.  Your talent is both inspiring and intimidating...lol.  And these lines are among the best I've read, anywhere.  Much appreciated.  

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
24 posted 2003-11-29 05:19 AM



Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
25 posted 2003-11-29 08:02 AM


How beautiful...it is hard to describe the feeling that overcame me with the reading of your final line.  I had to sit silently for a few moments before I could reply...perhaps to let you words sink through me.

Exquisite writing.

Patricia

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
26 posted 2003-11-29 08:10 AM


Greeneyes
In a manner of speaking an epopee.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
27 posted 2003-11-29 09:36 AM


This has such a wonderful flow throughout, Lauren ... you've captured soft sentiments beautifully in this piece. Lovely format ... very much enjoyed!

Best wishes and hugs,
/Kit

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