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Lotus Breeze
Member

since 2003-09-06

Posts 112

0 posted 2003-11-23 08:13 AM

Will time be taken
For a moment to see you,
Will words be spoken,
Gazing into eyes gray blue
Or will you just phone
Between your places and home?
I try not to weep,
At least till I go to sleep
Wishing I was not alone.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-11-23 09:02 AM

Lotus, I understand what you mean to say, you need to correct a couple of words, to help your meaning come across, perhaps like this:

~*~

Will time be taken
For a moment to see you,
Will words be spoken,
Gazing into eyes gray blue
Or will you just phone
Between your place and home?

I try not to weep,
At least till before I sleep
Wishing I was not alone.

~*~

The change to your "sleep" line is that one may or may not cry in one's sleep; but changes are, before they sleep, they would certainly know whether they cried a little, or not.

Does that make sense? It is so good to see you writing again. I miss you when you are away. Thank you for sharing.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (11-23-2003 06:31 PM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2003-11-23 11:27 AM

The longing is deeply felt.
Touching.
Love, Margherita

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2003-11-23 10:57 PM

I can't imagine that would be by anything other than choice, but the poem is (also) beautiful.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

4 posted 2003-11-24 12:10 PM

These thoughts have crossed my mind...beautiful...James

Goldenrose
Member Elite

since 2003-05-30

Posts 3665

5 posted 2003-11-24 09:58 AM

Nice writing of a small snippet of your life....thank you for your words....

Goldenrose.

''Each soul is potentialy divine..the goal is to manifest that divinity''

Kazm
Member

since 2003-11-13

Posts 99

6 posted 2003-11-24 03:48 PM

Trust that there will be better times than this. There have to be.

Kaz

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2004-01-27 11:49 PM

bump...James

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