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azblond
Senior Member
since 07-01-99
Posts 651
The Steamy Desert


0 posted 11-22-2003 12:20 AM       View Profile for azblond   Email azblond   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for azblond


I stopped writing one day.I have no idea why.I cannot remember when it happened.All I recall is the hours I used to spend with a pen in my hand, and all of the notebooks I used to fill up with words.
They are words that linked together my most intimate thoughts, my deepest fears, my insecurities.I can go back through what I have left of those writings and piece together my life.My youth.My past.Kind of.
I read some of the things I have written and remember who I was.I remember feeling so lost and alone in the world.I recall the criticism my writing always brought from those closest to me.Always I was told that it was good, but why didn’t I ever write about anything happy.All of it is so sad.
I look at it now and wonder why no one could read like I do, why they didn’t see how miserable I was.How alone I felt.I suppose because I hid behind some great smile and laughed and had a good time that must have meant I was all right.I guess that because I was young it was just phases I went through.Something I would grow out of.And I wonder did I grow out of it?
Because the depressing words stopped.They just went away.Suddenly I woke up one day and realized I was no longer young.Far from old, but I had passed into that middle place where I couldn’t hide behind the insecurities of my youth any longer.
And like the words that stopped being committed to page, I have no idea how I came to this place.I feel so lost.Lost words, lost years.Where did they go?I know the words resonate in my head.But why did I stop putting them down onto paper?
There is so much I have surely forgotten.So many marked pieces of my life that really never changed.
I once thrived on being surrounded by people.They too disappeared somewhere along the way.I feel crazed at this moment…like I am spinning out of control.Where in the hell did it all go?Where are those people who I counted on…those friends who would always be there for me?Where did they go?
And who is this person that stares at me from the mirror?What does she want with her bloated body, puffy face, and lines under her eyes?Where did I go?The pretty girl who used to laugh…why did she leave?
She wrote such sad words.She felt like she was dying inside.But for every word she put to paper she was able to release a bit of hurt, a moment of pain.And then she was able to move on.
This new me, this new person who doesn’t get it out anymore…she is truly the one who is dying.She can’t get away from the hurt and heartache.It just keeps building inside with nowhere to go.
Now I really am afraid.The past just slipped by me.Disappeared.Everyone who had once been so important to me is gone.I don’t know where they went.And I can’t help but wonder…will I just disappear too?

Let my words fall first upon deaf ears before a closed mind...

© Copyright 2003 MiChelle Van Vleet - All Rights Reserved
SharaRose
Member Elite
since 07-19-2003
Posts 2535
Somewhere out there~


1 posted 11-22-2003 04:23 AM       View Profile for SharaRose   Email SharaRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SharaRose

Wow this has something that will touch lots of people. Some parts of this echoes my life, and other parts will echo someone else's. Thanks for sharing. This touched my life.
Love,
Terri~
GG
Member Elite
since 12-03-2002
Posts 3615
Lost in thought


2 posted 11-23-2003 11:59 PM       View Profile for GG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GG

oh ouch
having just turned sixteen I know that I can still count on my teen years for the feelings... but I know already that not long from now age will change but the troubles of life won't, and any responsibility I don't take now, I'll take then... sorry, longwinded, just thinking aloud. Anyway, I hope things get better for you...
this aches.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


3 posted 01-28-2008 02:37 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
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